Future KillDirected by: Ronald W. Moore
Starring: Edwin Neal and Marilyn Burns
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"He was a bit messy… as I’m sure the rest of you will be."

Future-Kill is
one of the most bizarre movies I’ve seen in a while, and that’s saying
something. Part horror/scifi post apocalyptic gang fights, part fratboy
hijinks, and all Warriors ripoff. In fact, it’s almost exactly The Warriors- if the Warriors were a bunch of frat boy assholes who picked fights wherever they went.

We’re first introduced to our antagonist, a friendly fellow that goes by the
name of Splatter. Sure, he looks a little rough- being that he’s part
cyborg- but he’s not that bad a guy once you get to know him. He’s
definitely got passion, and he’s the only one of his crew that knows
anything about nuclear armament.

Yes,
the group wants to fight the good fight against nuclear weapons, but
they don’t seem to know how to really start. They sit around their
neighborhood listening to crappy punk bands and starting fights with
the rich kids. They’re considered mutants for some reason, which is
strange because besides Splatter none of them are mutated or changed-
they just wear lots of goth makeup.


Splatter looks like he’s got a test stuck up on that fridge. A+ in nuclear arms!


Anyway,
we meet Splatter just as he’s getting in a fight with the leader of the
supposedly nonviolent gang, who’s mad at him for killing a fellow
member who talked to reporters. Splatter of course sees violence as a
necessity for the uprising, so now that he’s almost in charge, it’s
certain that doom will follow.

So from there- party!


"Girl, I’d like to put you on a slide and get you under my microscope."


Yes,
we’re suddenly thrust into a bright frat house, where an Animal
House
-styled party is in full swing. Naked broads, drunk assholes- it’s
very familiar territory for all of us, and completely unexpected in
this film. We’re soon introduced to the guys we’ll be spending the
movie with.

These
kids participate in the stupidest prank ever conceived by performing an
actual kidnapping. Yes, that’s right- these kids who are supposed to be
our future have the brilliant idea of heading on down to gang territory to kidnap
a mutant. They’ll drag him back to the frat, where they’ll release him
into the wild, much as you’d do with bears after they’ve been tagged,
or Mike Tyson when he’s been supplied with Zoloft. Even stupider is the
reason behind it. See, they’re forced into it when a college higher-up
puts the pressure on their leader for revenge. He’s angry because our
group of heroes tarred and feathered him. Now, I don’t know about you,
but generally if someone is easy enough to get to (even with his
security guards!) and weak enough to tar and feather, I ain’t listening
to anything the guy has to say.


Would you be afraid of this man?


Nevertheless,
they see this insane "prank" (I might be wrong, but I think it might be
a federal offense) as the only way to right their wrongs- so they get
all punked up with pretty makeup and head downtown to complete their
task. They set their sights on a couple of the mutes, and bring their
dastardly plan to a close. Of course, things don’t go as well, as is
usual when you’ve got tactics thought up by retards. Seriously folks,
Wile E. Coyote drew up better plans to catch the Roadrunner.

One
of them ends up being killed by Splatter, who appears out of nowhere
and seems to take kidnappings a little more seriously than our heroes.
Splatter also takes advantage of the tussle to wrestle control of the
gang by killing the leader himself, then blaming it on the college
kids. The frat boys split up and try to get home in the dark, dark
night- finding people against them at every turn. Much like The Warriors,
people all over are out looking for these wannabe punks, and they’re
constantly getting in fights. Can our heroes make it home intact?

Now,
I’m really slamming this movie, because it is ridiculous- but it
actually is a fun time. It’s insanely gory for one thing- when people
die, there’s plenty of blood being splattered around. The actors seem
to know what kind of movie they’re in and do a good job with it. Especially Edwin Neal, who’s having a helluva time playing the badass.
Even if he still looks goofy.


It’s important not to get fenced into a relationship.


It really is a complete ripoff of The Warriors though- straight down to (spoiler- swipe to read) the ending, where the frat boys emerge from a final battle into a bright day… the first daylight in the film.

It’s
a very strange mix of gore and humor, but it works pretty well- even if
most of the jokes fall completely flat. Worth a look for a laugh, and
not much else.

The Sight and Sound-

Not a very good transfer on this one. I’m sure people weren’t taking great care of their Future-Kill
prints, but it’s very dark and grainy. It is a 16X9 widescreen
transfer, at least. The sound fairs a little better- but even that is
only a mono soundtrack and only will appeal to you if you like early
80s punk and cheesy sound effects.


Have dinner with you? What are you talking ab- BLARGH!


The Extras-

Not too much here, but what’s here is the goods.

Edwin Neal Interview- If you haven’t seen this guy in the new documentary of the latest TCM disc (review here) you’re in for a treat. Yes, the Hitchhiker from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is Splatter, although you won’t recognize him with all that metal all
over him, and his lower voice. The guy’s done a lot of voicework in
animated films and you’ll soon see why- he does dozens of different
voices in this little interview. Also interesting is the parts where he
talks about his obsession with collecting posters- and about getting
H.R. Giger to do the art for Future-Kill’s poster.

Commentary with Director Ronald Moore and Edwin Neal-
It’s always great to hear from a director who understands his work. Mr.
Moore’s first line here is "I’m the director of this film, if you can
call it that." and from right there, he had me. There’s a lot of fun
stories behind this one, and the inclusion of the craziness of Edwin
Neal is perfect. Very fun commentary- possibly a better track than the
movie itself.

Cast and Crew Bios - short one page bios on the director and two more famous actors.

Trailers- for Future-Kill and 5 other Subversive releases- including Dust Devil and a couple from the amazing Savage Sinema set.


Aren’t you glad the 80s are over?


The Packaging-

The
high point of this disc. Yep, this is original art done by H.R. Giger-
and damn if it ain’t pretty. The funny thing about it is that it makes
Splatter look a hundred times more badass than he really is. Giger did
this after the film was completed, which Edwin neal mentions in his
interview is a shame- Giger would’ve loved to do art for the film.
Imagine what could’ve been…

The
slipcase is sparkly and shiny and hides another similar piece of art
underneath it. Yes, it looks better than Splatter does in the film.
Inside the case is an awesome little mini-poster with the cover design.
Great little package.

The Lowdown-

This is the kind of movie MST3K would’ve had a helluva time with. It’s stupid, it’s bloody- and it just happens to be pretty fun.

The Movie- 6/10 The Disc- 6/10


5 sharp claws
3 slow motion kills
1 machingunned arm
3 predator claws into 2 heads
1 spear to the stomach
1 vicious fencing
1 machete to the chest
1 toxic meltdown