2001, Scott McGehee and David Siegel went from being two audaciously talented indie filmmakers to a couple of above-average stylists. We know this to be fact because no one throws down for The Deep End anymore unless they’re closing out the easy-to-make case for Tilda Swinton as a great actress. As for Suture, it’s an ostentatious, partly amateurish piece of cinema in search of purpose; guys like McGehee and Siegel get a couple of movies to prove they’re worth something, and Bee Season was a major deal-breaker. They’re fakers.

Unfortunately, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, one of the best actors of his generation, is desperate enough for prestige credits to have signed on to McGehee and Siegel’s latest, Uncertainty. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "The story revolves around a young couple faced with having to make an important decision, and the film is split into two versions of the same Fourth of July in New York, presenting a new series of unexpected choices the characters make."

I hate being faced with "having to make an important decision", especially when I know some judgmental, grammatically-challenged asshole is trying to pull a Rashomon on me from a distance. It’s not only rude, it’s an intrusion on my intellectual property; if I can’t break up with my girlfriend loudly in the parking lot of Buddha’s Belly, then civilization is at the precipice. You want two ways into this narrative? Well, let me help you out: there’s rational and there’s what the bitch is screaming. Layer away.

Gordon-Levitt’s also toplining Darren Star’s The Frog King, which is being adapted from Adam Davies’s novel by Bret Easton Ellis. You know a strike is imminent when Ellis is lining up projects for production. God, I’m in a rotten mood.