Speak the ancient evil language, open up the cellar, and run through the branchy forest… here’s the red-band trailer for the Evil Dead remake from producers Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi, written by Diablo Cody, and directed by Fede Alvarez.

I like that Raimi’s 2×4 cam is there and, while slicker, isn’t all the way slicker. Beyond that, I don’t have much of an opinion. It all looks kind of quaint in such close proximity to Cabin In The Woods, and even divided by that it reads the same way every slick, Platinum Dunesy remake ever has. I was hoping for some flash of a different kind of humor or some other ostentatious┬ácharacteristic… something bold, you know? I ┬ádon’t put the original on the same pedestal as others, but it’s nothing if not bold, so this new one should be bold! I see bloody, I see slick. I don’t yet see bold.

And yeah, Evil Dead 1 is not the same humorous spectacle the other films are, but deadites were still crazy, loud, laughing maniacs, so turning them into the same creepy demon zombies that we always see is not a great step.

As my buddy who just watched the trailer with me said, “Eh, alright. Let’s hope it has balls.”

What can you hope for, if not balls?

The film hits next spring. Here’s the Facebook page.