know that
Thomas Haden Church
had a lot of lean years leading up to his sterling turn in Sideways. And I also
understand that lots of cats simply want to work constantly to keep the dough
rolling in and (hopefully) to exercise those thespian muscles. But Church seems
to be accepting projects these days as if he were a black actor with a late
mortgage payment due (Seriously, if you know one and have some money to spare, you could get them to do a snuff flick, no questions asked. It’s hard out here for a bruh.)

Maybe I’m misreading the guy’s appeal, but when I look at
his CV, he’s mostly been wasting away doing voice work for kiddie flicks, his
live action appearances (Spidey 3 aside) few and far between.
His most notable upcoming project was the dopey Sandra Bullock flick All
About Steve
. Well, that was until he added the Eddie Murphy flick Nowhereland
to his slate. Pretty
much boilerplate kiddie rubbish, Nowhereland is about a dad who finds
the answers to his real work problems in his daughter’s imaginary world.
Awwwwww. Church will play the no doubt boring baddie at Murphy’s company, and
perhaps in between takes he and Murphy can square off on who squandered the
goodwill from uncharacteristically-good turns in ballyhooed films more.

I just
don’t get it. There’s a strike looming. People and projects are getting snapped
up left and right. And the best Church can do for his career is Diet Cuba
Gooding Jr.? Really?