what I know after watching the trailer for the new Ryan Reynolds’ movie The

  1. It’s like The
    Number 23
    , but only thirty-nine percent as much.
  2. At no point is there a
    reference to a German girl being raped. So I’m going to have to subtract
    two stars up front…
  3. Hope Davis does creepy pretty
    well. A little too well. I’m not
    sure she’s actually “doing” anything, really…
  4. Speaking of creepy, where’s
    the factory where Fannings are made?
  5. Why are we not bombing it?
  6. Somebody still thinks American
    carries some sort of commercial or critical cred. Tee hee…
  7. Unless it’s under the tender,
    loving hands of Uwe Boll, you can’t do a Sims movie now.
  8. Did I mention there was this
    German girl…?
  9. Just to keep up the "nine" theme, you guys going to see the NIN show at the ampitheater this weekend?

Ok, that’s
not a lot. But it’s meant to confuse and tease you. Basically, Ryan Reynolds’
is in The Matrix. Or a fever dream. Or he’s about to die and is making all this
shit up. Or all of the above. Plus, he plays multiple characters, but none of
them are in latex fat suits, which just seems like a huge wasted opportunity to
me. Plus, he should’ve played the black chick in the trailer.

Oh, you
have no idea what I’m talking about? Head over to IGN and take a gander at the trailer
by clicking here. The
hits NY and LA August 31.