Okay, yes, it’s a shameless title to refer to a physical at my doctor’s office. Been awhile since I threw down a blog so I thought I’d come back with a bang…or in my case one of those wrapped up little poppers we used to throw on the ground for shits and giggles.
I did indeed go for a yearly physical recently and a couple of interesting things occurred. One, I’ve had an unusual deal with the ole ticker going on where, while not serious at all, is a little weird. At times when I’d just be sitting and watching TV or at work, my heart would suddenly noticeably amp up the pounding action, like you get right before you know something big is going to go down. Heart palpitations if you will. I didn’t need Dr. C (not quite as Dr. J, but a good doc nonetheless), to tell me that it wasn’t serious but it was curious nonetheless. So he recommended an EKG. I happily said OK, since I’ve never had one before.
Now this being 2008, I’m expecting nothing less than a sophisticated piece of equipment with digital readout, GPS, and hell, the internet, texting and MP4. But I was surprised to find that it’s still just a simple little machine with analog readout with tickertape and enough lead wires to jumpstart Seinfeld’s Porsche collection. Thankfully, the readings for mi corazon were normal. Also, I had blood drawn for the usual tests. My nurse was a lovely Hispanic woman named Rosa. And the interesting thing that she said in her delightfully thick accent while sticking me almost pain-free with the needle was, “My, what lovely blood!” After my second take at that, I’m instantly wondering if I saw her in Vampires: Los Muertos.
However, just as I’m writing this, something not so interesting was revealed to me by said blood tests. Rather, something alarming, but I guess not unexpected:
Bad Cholesterol: 148
I’ll leave it up to you to hit up the numbers for these, but in a nutshell, I’m a lazy bastard who needs to get off his ass more, stop with the fast food, the sweet food, the fried food, etc. and get back in the gym. Furthermore, the pack-a-day has also got to stop. Sobering stuff for yours truly. All of a sudden those Plavix and Lipitor commercials aren’t looking so stupid.
Anyway, now I must come up with a game plan to get more active, eat better, and…god help me…stop sucking the cancer dick.
Behind every great book adaptation is a forgettable first try. — By Ryan Covey