It’s amazing how much people can love a dumb animal – especially single women with no romantic prospects whatsoever (there might be some confusion as to who the dumb animal is here; so be it). Take Barbaro, for instance. This phenomenon was documented tirelessly by the good scoundrels at Deadspin until the mighty colt went hooves up on January 29, 2007, eight months after pulling up lame in the Preakness Stakes. It was a sad moment, to be sure; Barbaro so thoroughly destroyed the competition in the Kentucky Derby that most of us were convinced he would be the first Triple Crown winner in three decades. When the owners didn’t put Barbaro down immediately following the race, I was a little furious, as it seemed the only reason to keep the pain-wracked animal alive was to retire it to stud. Fortunes would be proffered for the progeny of Barbaro.
I haven’t read the Buzz Bissenger article on Barbaro in the latest Vanity Fair (with CHUD-lovin’ Shia LaBeouf on the cover), but there must be something to it if Universal is acquiring it on behalf of director Peter Berg (whose The Kingdom is the most buzzed about September release since… Berg’s The Rundown, I guess). Berg and Bissinger are cousins of the presumably non-kissin’ variety, and this would mark their second collaboration following 2004’s excellent Friday Night Lights (which is currently a pretty good TV show co-starring the unreasonably hot Minka Kelly), so you’ve got to wonder if this ain’t just family gettin’ each other rich. For Dee Mirich’s sake, I hope not; although, if the Barbaro movie doesn’t end with Edgar Prado riding the colt skyward ala Travolta, Newton-John and Greased Lightning, the old broad might go a little bonkers. Maybe they could cap it off with the life-affirming, "Want to have a snack, Dad?", Cheetos-resurrection denouement!
And I’m done shilling for Deadspin, ‘cuz they don’t need the help!