Oh good.

He won.

Here’s the thing. I woke up this morning to hear the news that Evo Morales had won his latest farce of an election with 61 percent of the vote. And all of you out there are asking what the fuck I’m talking about and why should you care. You shouldn’t, but I was in a venting mood. I won’t get political too often but this was something I really needed to get off my chest.

What Am I Talking About?
Evo Morales and his party held a special “referendum” election to decide if “the people” wanted him to remain in power until the end of his term (two excruciatingly long years away). That’s really all this is about. Word got out that people just don’t like him and he wanted to prove that they still did. He said: If I do not win with at least 54 percent of the vote in my favor, I will go away.

Thank Pachamama for small favors.

I voted No to him and Yes to the Department prefect. Because, fuck it, Paredes has done good things for La Paz.

We have some nice roads now.

So: Why 54 percent? Because when he won the presidential election two years ago, he won with 53 percent of the popular vote. He wanted to make a point. See? You like me! You REALLY like me!

So, how does a president who in two years has only squandered his non-existent goodwill even further – and completely turned his back on “His People” with anyone you ask on the street swearing up and down they voted NO on his hemorrhoid-strewn ass, get a 61 percent positive vote?

Funny you should ask.

The answer lies in the peripheral communities, where people who live in one-bedroom adobe huts somehow have more than one ID card (sometimes more than 3) all with a different name. The answer lies on several buses, full of people holding ballots conveniently filled out for them (give them a break, they can neither read nor write) being driven to the voting booths.

Here you go, just take that folded paper the nice man gave you and stick it in that box. Thank you. Here’s your white corn and dehydrated potato (Chuño) soup. Have a nice day.

(And they said G.W. was a lying prick. He’s got nothin’ on this bastard, believe me.)

The answer lies in the minds of a people so clouded by their misplaced resentment that they will vote blindly for their “symbol.” Without realizing that this symbol stands for ignorance, illiteracy and hypocrisy.

Because, as Tupac Katari said when he was being drawn and quartered: “I will return! And I shall be millions!” (Nice and prescient, considering he was being divided into 6 pieces right then and there)

And so…


Go suck dicks.

Paz Estensoro 1952. (Look it up on Wikipedia) The revolution gave you the freedom to have your own land and make your own way. You did nothing with that but piss and moan and fall back on hand-me-downs… And now it’s MY fault? I wish you could hear the ear-splitting thunder of the fart as I express my opinion.

But it doesn’t matter.

It’s not like anything will actually, um, change up in this motherfucker. And one day, that stupid asshole with the awful haircut and tacky-ass Bill Cosby sweaters will be dead and gone.

So I’m chillin like a villain.

Just one thing. IF 20 odd years from now I come across some college kid wearing an EVO T-Shirt. And he invites me up to his dorm, and I see the EVO poster hanging above his bed. And he keeps his stash in an EVO duffle bag stuffed behind his dresser…

I’m gonna stick my thumbs into his eyes.

Thanks for listening.