I have a friend who likes Julia Stiles. She said, and I quote “When I was 12, I read this interview with her in some dumb magazine.  And she just seemed really nice.  Someone I would like to be friends with.  Perhaps go on a picnic.”

I’m pretty sure she’s the only person in America who likes Julia Stiles, and even that’s pretty thin. I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You (one of the hundreds of fantastic films available illegally in parts on Youtube) and I was struck with Julia Stile’s poor performance. There’s a part where her character passes out on a swing-set, and she’s practically giggling with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. That whole movie would fall apart if it weren’t for Heath Ledger and the supporting cast. Much like The Dark Knight, actually. Though I will say, when it comes to laffs, Gary Oldman is no Larry Miller. You want laffs, you speak to Larry. You want an incredibly diverse character actor, you see Oldman. You want daughterfuck, you see Oldboy*.

Why is Joseph Gordon Levitt so bad in this? In Brick, he’s so fucking perfect. Has he been that good in any other role? Now that I think about it, is he even a good actor? He’s great in Brick, but what else? Did anyone see Stop-Loss? That’s not a rhetorical question by the way, I’m actually wondering if anyone paid to see that film. Is it even getting a DVD release? Or is it taking the Santa Clause 3: Martin Short Annoys A Whole New Generation of Tykes route, and fading out of existence before it gets the chance?

10 Things I Hate About You: where Heath Ledger proved his chops, Joseph Gordon-Levitt proved he had a lot to learn, and Julia Stiles proved that she’s utterly useless. I mean really, without use. Julia Stiles, I hope you google your name, read this, and kill yourself. Then we can stop talking about the Soul Men curse and start talking about the 10 Things curse. Watch your back, Krumholtz!

*Spoiler alert.