life, Kate Hudson ended her marriage with faithful neo-hippie singer Chris
Robinson when she got a taste of the supposed Butterscoth Stallion AKA Owen
Wilson. Apparently, there’s a karmic price to pay for that because she’s just
signed up to be the new ‘tang for Dane Cook in his upcoming romcom Bachelor
No. 2
. Cook, fresh off of botching a kiss with Jessica Alba so badly he
chipped her tooth, plays a guy with one of those stupid imaginary jobs unique
to shitty romantic comedies: He’s the guy other men hire to date their women
who have just dumped them, but he does so in a disastrous way that sends them back
to their original men.

Because that’s
how relationships work.


Anyway, there is no frickin’ way that a snag
could arise that would make Dane reconsider the life he’s living and seek true
love, is there? By golly, there is! That’s where Kate Hudson (‘s comeuppance)
comes in. She’ll be playing the recent ex of Cook’s best pal and when they
meet, hilarity ensues. Is there even a difference between this and Good
Luck Chuck

I really did like Cook at one time and this was not only way before Tourgasm,
but also way before he ever released a standup album. I’m talking 1999, baby,
when the twin towers of the Dennis Rodman-led Simon Sez arrived along
with Mystery
. Neither movie is “good” in any sort of objective sense, but I
found each – along with Cook’s hammy roles in both – to be enjoyable enough
guilty pleasures. You could see at the time that the guy had a natural charm
and manic energy that could liven up stale minor roles. And in a parallel universe,
his standup never blew up but so large, and his film career path is that of
Steve Carrell: Goofy performer that gets in good with talented writer/directors
and slowly builds his skills in great ensemble comedies. But in our Yulaw-less
corner of the multiverse, Cook got way too much exposure way too soon, and was
thrust in the spotlight with severely underdeveloped comedic skills. Worse, he’s
being asked to be a legitimate leading man, when he’s more adept at colorful
side creeps along the lines of his short order cook in Waiting. These small
scale romcoms he’s churning out for Lionsgate (they’re also putting out Good
Luck Chuck
are only going to hammer that home. I’m fairly confident
that “the Dane Train” is heading for an Under Siege 2-esque derailment
sooner rather than later.