Un Film Un Gross Un Per Screen Un Total
1 Fantastic Four 2 $57,400,000 $14,498 $57,400,000
2 Ocean’s Thirteen $19,105,000 (-47.1%) $5,359 $69,810,000
3 Knocked Up $14,535,000 (-26%) $5,000 $90,482,000
4 Pirates 3 $12,024,000 (-43.1%) $3,611 $273,757,000
5 Surf’s Up $9,300,000 (-47.3%) $2,633 $34,671,000
6 Shrek the Third $9,007,000 (-41.2%) $2,569 $297,249,000
7 Nancy Drew $7,135,000 $2,731 $7,135,000
8 Hostel: Part II $3,000,000 (-63.4%) $1,276 $14,182,000
9 Mr. Brooks $2,820,000 (-42.6%) $1,466 $23,441,000
10 Spider-Man 3 $2,500,000 (-41.9%) $1,372 $330,016,000

It looks like The Silver Surfer opened to 22 on Friday and went downhill from there. That’s not a good sign for leggy-ness. Still the number is a bit better than the original. The listed production budget is $130 million, and – frankly – I don’t think the film is going to make that domestically, or if it does just barely. Thank goodness for ancillaries!

Have you ever noticed that saying "and frankly" sounds like "Anne Frankly?"

Now, not to wet my own wiener here, but other than Nancy Drew and ROTSS, both South by about four million of my predictions, I was within a million dollar wiggle room of Ocean’s, Knocked Up and Pirates. Since I bend over and pull these numbers out of my asshole, I’m really happy with my asshole today. I think I should buy it some fibrous foods to show my affections. Maybe later, if the timing’s right, I’ll ask my asshole out on a date. After that, who knows? (I don’t want to spoil it by making predictions, that’s my asshole’s job). If Knocked Up keeps having solid weekdays, it should cross into nine digits come Friday. Huge victory, even if it seemed assured. Seriously, they sold a film on Seth Rogen making a goofy face. I hope he’s running around Hollywood fucking Hayden Panettiere and double teaming the Olsen twins. Or, you know, writing a hundred thousand dollar check to his weed dealer, making sure he stays in pot for the next six months. Or donating a sizable sum to saving the whales. Or just writing a check for a million dollars with Whales as the subject, and then leaving it in the Pacific. Really, even more than Tony Montana, the world is his.

Pirates should get its limp on to the three hundred, but it was also boosted by the Ratatouille sneaks this weekend. The rat hits screens in two weeks, which is when Pirates will really start getting fucked. Hopefully by then it will have crossed into nine digit nirvana, though I predict that it stops around 305 or 310. But those international numbers are great! Says everyone. Else (

Ocean’s should make its way to the 100 mark, though after that things get dicey. Again, summer season brings the funk, and the noise. Though next weekend there’s Evan Almighty and 1408, neither of which should make a sizable dent (A Mighty Heart AKA I Want a Second Oscar, Fuck You Brad, Look At My Oscars also opens)

Sorry, Eli.

Hey, Shrek will make it to $300. Yay! Huzzah. Fuckin’ right-on!

Anyway, a not very interesting week at the movies. Have fun, kids. And make sure you wear a condom. Recognize.