to Michael Bay: if you want Linkin Park, fucking get Linkin Park. (And I say this as someone with very little use for Linkin Park.)

At the risk of looking like an idiot (what risk, right?), I’m going to declare this nu metal cover of the Transformers theme song a botched attempt by some enterprising young rockers to get their derivative music on the forthcoming blockbuster’s soundtrack, because there is no way the excessive but generally sensible (i.e. when it comes to his commercial instincts) Michael Bay is letting anything this risible get anywhere near his movie. Sure, it’s been leaked by the viral marketing "Sector 7" website, but Bay’s spent the last two years draining this this property of overt fanboy kitsch; why would he want any part of a song featuring lyrics like "Autobots are watching over you/Willing to die for what we love"?

Operating under the hopeful assumption that this song is as genuine as that teaser for The Dark Knight that surfaced and promptly disappeared a few weeks ago (and I realize I’m fighting a losting battle here), I must say that this would’ve been my favorite bad music tie-in since Hammer’s "Addams Groove" ("Take foolish pride and put it aside like the Addams, yo"). I mean, "We need a protector to save our soul/A hero to rise up and take control", is almost as tasty as "Now I don’t mind being a friend and showing a little bit of flavor/But Wednesday, Pugsley, Gomez and Fester… man, those some straaange neighbors".

The song is available here, and it is two minutes of misbegotten bliss. I should also clarify one thing: even if this song does make its way onto the official soundtrack, its presence will not violate my very simple criteria for judging Bay’s Transformers a success.