hated The Village and considered Lady in the Water 2005’s best comedy, and yet I’m still interested in M. Night Shyamalan’s latest, The Happening (fka The Green Effect), if only because it’ll be his first R-rated feature. Maybe he’s been restrained by his need to be all things to too many people. It’s feasible. Also, there’s the distinct possibility that he could make a movie so bad it’ll destroy the moon. Nothing against our orbiting gray buddy; just got a pet theory I’d like to prove.

While Shyamalan’s dwindling audience is waiting to see what Not The New Spielberg has up his finely tailored shirtsleeve next (please be a puppy, please be a puppy!!!), we can at least find solace in the fact that he is once again rounding up an impressive cast. Joining the increasingly awesome Mark Wahlberg – he gets a mulligan after Shooter – in the environmental sci-fi thriller is the cute-as-a-sackful-of-kittens Zooey Deschanel, who was last seen in my dreams the other night. Awwww! No, not one of those dreams, you smartass! We were just fucking.

20th Century Fox is the latest studio to take a chance on the struggling auteur, and they’re hoping to have The Happening in theaters by 2008. Though I haven’t read the script, I’d recommend that you say your goodbyes to the moon while you have the opportunity.