MSRP: $24.95
RUNNING TIME: 66 minutes
STUDIO: Sinful Mermaid

  • Bonus short film: “Lusty Lady”
  • Bonus short film: “Busty Babe”
  • Bonus short film: “Natural Blonde”

The Pitch

A gonzo semi-softcore porn parody of Jaws featuring a blowjob-happy mermaid, talking dogs, sex-crazed hand puppets, and Nazis.

The Humans

Director Robert J. Kaplan.  Composer Brad Fiedel(!).  Terri Hall.  Paul Styles.  Robert Kerman.  Brother “The ‘Burbs” Theodore.  Crystal Sync.  Jody Maxwell.  Ian Morley.

The Nutshell

The pitch above pretty much says it all.  A mermaid (Terri Hall) attacks a coastal town by blowing every man that gets into the water so viciously that their genitals fall off after they climax.  Naturally, they require a heroic trip to save them. The always horny Sheriff Rooster Coxswain (Paul Styles) leads the team.  Our Hooper arrives in the form of Dr. Sy Smegma (Robert Kerman), who always wears a wetsuit and carries around a blonde blow-up doll.  And lastly, our Quint:  Captain Carl Clitoris the Nazi (Brother Theodore).  Of course, we also have the aforementioned talking dogs (who get their own sex scene) and two horny hand-puppets.  So…yeah.

And on the list of jobs I would never want…

The Lowdown

If you are looking for a straight-up porno, look elsewhere.  I said semi-softcore for a reason.  Supposedly an “uncut” version was released at some point, but it is not included.  Full frontal nudity aside, anything other “activity” is either blurred out or covered by a cartoonish caption.  So that leaves us with the comedy aspect of the project, right?  Well, it’s not very funny either and the acting is beyond awful.  It’s not even enjoyable on a campy “so bad, it’s good!” level.  Basically, just like the “dreaded” mermaid our triumphant trio is hunting, Gums blows.

As you can see, studios have always underestimated audience intelligence.

The Package

The picture quality on display here makes any old VHS tape you used to own look like a masterfully restored Blu-ray print.  As for extras?  There are three short B&W films (again with shoddy transfers) of women stripping and caressing themselves.  Then again, who really expects a film like this to contain a bevy of special features?


Out of a Possible 5 Stars