the kind of Cannes story you wouldn’t expect to hear normally: After an apparently
successful screening, MGM is grabbing the new Rob Schnieder movie Big
, a prison/martial arts comedy, even though Schneider and crew have already sold
off partial rights for the film to HBO. Hell, MGM didn’t just buy it. They’ve
committed to a wide December release with lots of dough for prints and
advertising. It boggles the mind until you remember that it’s MGM and he is Rob

the Deuce
franchise bottoming out, Schneider does have a decent track
record – fiscally-speaking, of course – with his particularly uninspired brand
of “comedy.” He also happens to be extremely thin-skinned, which you would
think would drive him to suicide given the critical shellacking that his films
get (Advice to Schneider Haters: Be patient). Anyway, despite most people
barely noticing that it came out, his last film, The Benchwarmers, made
quite a tidy profit, and being able to pre-sell the concept and star of a cheap studio comedy makes it
a rather attractive prospect for a studio in need of hits. Enter MGM.

case you haven’t noticed, the once grand banner doesn’t have the most robust
production slate, and besides the Herzog-helmed Rescue Dawn, their
upcoming slate consists of the Kevin Costner-is-bad, Dane-Cook-is-worse flick Mr.
and the horrific-looking Isla Fisher/Jason Biggs comedy Wedding
. Not exactly licenses to print money. Or good reviews. Big
will likely fulfill the former function as it was independently-financed
and had pre-sold foreign and video rights before coming to Cannes. HBO had the
video rights, but is now negotiating to sell them back to Crystal Sky, the
production company behind the film. If I had to guess, I’d say Big
should be rolling out right around Christmas week. There are zero
wide-release comedies (unless you count unintentional ones like Aliens
vs. Predator 2
) out then, and families are notoriously non-discriminating
with the theater dough after gorging themselves on holiday chow. So while a lot
of the country will be desperately waiting for prestige pics to slowly roll out
to their neck of the woods, this will be on 2000+ screens for the uncaring masses.
Excuse me while I do a backflip.