those of us who’ve been advocating for Gerard Butler’s stardom since Timeline (don’t look at me like that unless you’re going to buy me a drink), it’s gratifying to see the Scottish thesp toplining a box office smash, 300, while booking starring roles in exciting new ventures like… Game and, according to Variety, Nim’s Island. Adapted from the Wendy Orr children’s book by Jennifer Flackett and Mark Levin (you previously adored their work in Little Manhattan), the film will team Butler with Jodie Foster and Abigail Breslin, who, as minors, have both a) been nominated for Best Supporting Actress and b) inadvertently courted the affections of middle-aged men. Thankfully, no one’s popped the President on Breslin’s account just yet, but she’s still got a few years of illegality left.

For the uninitiated, Orr’s tome is about a young girl, Nim, who’s left alone on a tropical island by her scientist father. When he’s lost at sea, Nim strikes up an email friendship with Alex Rover, the author of a book she’s reading (who also happens to be an acquaintance of her father’s). Somehow, a volcano, a violent storm and evil tourists figure into the plot, and Nim needs the assistance of Rover to fend them off. Just what the hell kind of story is this? I’d rather read my eight-year-old to sleep with Tropic of Cancer.

This will be the first film released by Fox Walden, a merging of two conservative-controlled corporations that act like they give a shit about the well-being of our nation’s youth. Actually, I’ve no real qualm with Philip Anschutz’s forays into feature filmmaking (even though I vehemently disagree with his politics); Rupert Murdoch, on the other hand, is a blight on the media. It’s interesting that a good liberal like Foster is doing business with these folks, but she needs to cash a few paychecks before getting that Leni Riefenstahl biopic up and running. As for Butler… he can’t get far enough away from Timeline.