It’s been a little while now since we’ve heard from Eli Roth and what he may be up to next. While, yes, he does have that upcoming role in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds, it’s been a couple of years since Roth has been at the helm of his own projects, save the faux-trailer for Thanksgiving in Grindhouse and Nation’s Pride (the movie within the movie Inglorious Basterds).

At one point it looked like Roth was going to turn Thanksgiving into a full-fledged feature, then word of mouth on that died down. Prior to that, however, there were also rumors Roth would helm a film version of Stephen King’s Cell, which was to be scripted by Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski (Ed Wood).

So far, no official movement on the latter, but the former…? Well, that may actually come to pass. The dudes over at Empire recently sat down and shot the shit with Roth and not only did Roth spill the beans on what’s going on with Thanksgiving, he spewed some info on a possible shift into the sci-fi universe with one project entitled Endangered Species:

“”There’s a science fiction movie, and I definitely wanna make Thanksgiving. I want to do a sci-fi movie, like, a $60m movie – something in that budget range – where I can really do lots of mass destruction and really destroy lots of shit!”

I’m down with that, but did he write it? What’s it about exactly? Who’s the endangered species? Humans? Aliens? WTF?

That’s about as far as the details went on that project, but as far as Thanksgiving goes Roth offered the following:

“But I want to tack on three weeks at the end of it – like, 18 days. The way I did Nation’s Pride [the film-within-a-film from Inglourious Basterds], that’s how I want to shoot Thanksgiving. I just want to go, go, go. Get as much footage, and as many kills as possible, and not be self-conscious. Because when you’re moving at that speed, you’re not thinking, you’re just feeling and you’re going on instinct. And that’s where the best stuff comes from. There’s an energy to that Grindhouse trailer for Thanksgiving that, for me caught the spirit of the movie. And I was like, ‘What if I did this for three weeks?’ No pretensions. Just, ‘Fuck it. Let’s make a fifth movie, do it fast, bang it out and make it great.’ I mean, still take it seriously, as a real movie, but just do it in 18 says and see what the hell happens when I really push myself.”

Love to see it myself, but if you’ve been following Roth’s career trajectory since Cabin Fever you’re well aware his name’s been attached to a million and one projects at one time or another, only to see them slip back into development hell.

Hopefully, Roth can follow though with his promise on this one as an ultra-low-budget feature, as I’m guessing the Weinsteins won’t be financing another Grindhouse double-bill after the first one laid an egg at the box office.

Stay tuned…

There are a lot of ways of getting into film nerdery. No two people seem to make the journey from regular joe to movie maniac in the same way, but in my travels I have found that almost 80% of the most dedicated and hardcore film fanatics got in the same way:

Horror movies.

Which isn’t to say they’re still exclusively horror hounds today. But again and again I meet people who are absolute adorers of the cinematic experience and in their past lurks a horror movie that opened the way. Here are my guesses as to why horror fans make the best film fans.

6) They’re Prospectors. Being a horror fan isn’t easy. There’s a lot of horror out there, and you have to wade through a whole bunch of dross to find the gems. But that’s what any good film fan should be doing anyway – not just waiting to be handed the best of the best but be out there, on the ground, sniffing out the best. And the best way to really appreciate the good movies is to spend a lot of time with the bad movies.

5) They’re Committed. If you’re running a rep house theater and you want to pack the place, I recommend one thing: show a horror movie. If you have a big space that you rent out and want to fill it with people, stage a horror convention. Nobody comes out and shows their support like horror fans. Committment might be the single most important quality for any real film fan – you have to be willing to track down rare films, to go out of your way to see the greats, and happy to throw lots of time and money into their passion.

4) They’re Diverse. One of the great things about horror as a genre is its diversity. The genre runs the gamut from the intellectual to the visceral, from the incredibly smart to the incredibly stupid. Horror can appeal to prudes or perverts, to out of their minds wackos to completely straight people. And the fanbase reflects that – not every horror fan has dyed black hair and tattoos of Reagan from The Exorcist. And horror fans, I have noticed, tend to be more varied in race, in gender and in age. And that diversity carries over into regular film fandom for these folks; horror fans are willing to give lots of odd, interesting things a try. Outside of indie snobs nobody has seen more microbudget features than horror fans, and outside of martial arts enthusiasts nobody has seen more foreign films than horror fans.

3) They Respect History. If I’m being honest, part of the reason horror fans are so into horror history is because horror films get remade more than any other genre. And because there’s so much junk out there, horror fans tend to have to be open-minded about older films. The great thing about horror is that technology doesn’t help it so much – older films with older FX may actually work better than modern films with CGI. But even with all of those caveats, I’ve never seen a fanbase as aware of their own history. Iconic characters like Frankenstein’s Monster and Dracula remain cool and viable today, and respect is still paid to forerunners like Lon Chaney Sr., even among the less hardcore members of the fanbase.

2) They’re Fun. Horror is an essentially social genre. While some horror movies work best in a dark room all by yourself, the true gems of the genre are the ones that kill in a packed house. And that social element – actually going out to see horror movies as opposed to watching them home alone – is part of what makes horror fans so much fun to be around. On top of that is the fact that their chosen genre, while it can be serious and thought-provoking, is most often about thrills and chills and you get people who take things much less seriously than continuity-beholden scifi nerds. My experience is that if you want to go to the best party, go to the party filled with horror nerds (and they’ll also have more girls at their party. See #4!).

1) They’re Infectious. Spend any time with a horror fan and you’ll walk away with a hundred recommendations: movies, books, TV shows, comics, you name it. While some fandoms are painfully insular, going so far as to speak made up languages or create impenetrable cliques based on how much you know, horror fans always want to share their love for the genre with new people. When a horror fan says ‘You haven’t seen that movie?!’ it isn’t snotty, it’s genuine shock mixed with sympathy, and it’s sure to be followed immediately by ‘I have a copy I can lend you.’ Horror remains a genre fed by word of mouth, and horror fans love lending their mouths to the cause. And that’s the most important thing any film fan can do – spread their own love of movies to everybody they meet. Being a serious film fan is at least a little bit about being an evangelist, and nobody evangelizes like a horror fan.

This just in: He never said that she was a gold digger, just that she had no interest in hanging out with proletariats.

When Pixar does a movie that has a slightly odd selling point, people often try to create fake drama about the possibility of its success. “Ooh, it’s got a rat in it, maybe it won’t make money!” Uh, no. “Maybe this one will be shitty!” Hasn’t happened yet. I guess the fact that Up is about an old guy might psyche some people out. But, as always, the film performed and people love it. The question is how long and hard it will play. $200 Million is assured, the question is whether it will cross over like Finding Nemo did. That would mean $300 Million, which is not out of the question, but would mean some really strong word of mouth. But there’s nothing all that difference in the reception to this film as any other Pixar, and I don’t know if it’s zeitgeist-y. If older people who maybe don’t normally turn out for these films somehow got into the film, then that’s something that could happen. But I would bet on around $250 Million.

Today show time: Night at the Museum 2 and Angels and Demons got to $100,  Star Trek got over $200, and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past got past $50. For Museum, it’s good the film only took a 50% hit (vs. 60-70%) in a post holiday weekend, especially in the face of direct competition. But $150 is about as good as that film could get (and even that might be uphill). Angels and Demons is done, so it tops out around $130-$140-ish at best (probably less). Star Trek will start bleeding screens next week (with two wide releases) after four weeks in release, and will likely be out of the top five (though could manage to pass Terminator Salvation and Drag Me to Hell next weekend), but even  if so it will be under ten million. $250 million might be in spitting distance, so my guess is Paramount tries to get it close to there. If it weren’t for Potter and Transformers, I’d say it or Up would be fighting for #1 of the summer.

Terminator Salvation ain’t done shitting the bed. It’s off 62% and looks to do worse than Terminator 3 did ($150 Million), next week it’ll get past $100, but after that there’s not much hay to be had. $110? $120? Ouch. Time to get down on your fetlocks, McG, and hope international somehow redeems the film.

Drag Me to Hell did okay. The question is if it plays or if it takes a horror plunge of 60-70% next week. $50 isn’t out of the question, but $30 isn’t either. Sam Raimi has been doing this long enough that it doesn’t matter if the film doesn’t do great business (besides, the DVD sales should be good), especially when you’re lined up to do more Spider-Man, but I like the film and I hope it does well enough. Dance Flick better sell a lot of unrated DVDs, and Wolverine is on his way out, but if you can still make the top ten with under a million gross, it might hang out next week for one final round in the top ten.

Next week brings a lot of male nudity.

THE WEEK OF JUNE 2nd, 2009

WEEDS: SEASON FOUR

Special Features

• Gags
• Cast and Crew Commentaries
• Featurettes

Weeds: Season 4 is such a complicated season. Sure, you got forward development of the characters. Jenji Kohan almost reset the entire show with the characters moving out of Agrestic. What sucks about it is that when Albert Brooks left after four episodes, the air went out of the room. It became this paper-thin riff on the current Border dispute and a chance to get Mary-Louise Parker to show her tits. She shows them twice if you’re keeping count. There’s even a sweet-ass extended shot of her mammaries in the season finale.

The special features are similar to the past three season releases. You get a ton of featurettes that try to explain away most of the changes this season. Plus, the commentaries feel even more apologetic. Still, it’s worth a buy.

DEFIANCE

Special Features

• Director’s Commentary
• Featurettes

Defiance is what happens when the Jews said no more. Did you like Munich? Did you like Red Dawn? What about if Red Dawn and Munich movie fucked and had a celluloid baby. That baby would be Defiance. The movie is pure Ed Zwick, as he spends the first hour trying to prove some historical basis. Then, he gets bored as fuck with that. When his films lack the steady hand of a Djimon Hounsou or a Ken Watanabe, they tend to fell apart. This movie however just turns fucking nutty in the last hour. I picked this as my second preferred choice of the week because Vern said so. If you don’t know Vern, you don’t know quality.

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Special Features

• Director’s Commentary
• Featurettes
• Trailers

Revolutionary Road is masturbatory material for the Clitterati. Period piece romances about the disenfranchised trying to find their emotional distanced place in the world. Kate Winslet shines with the role that she was given, but Michael Shannon is the star here. His work playing off of Kathy Bates steals the show from the Winslet/DiCaprio team-up more times than I can count. I’d recommend a rental first before taking the plunge. Otherwise, you might look funny having a copy of this wedged between your Backyard Wrestling and UFC discs.

THE PERSONAL CRITERION COLLECTION

I had an idea for a subset column for The Special Edition. Many people
want to have Criterions in their collection. Many people pretend to
like half of the films that Criterion releases. But, what about those
people that honestly can’t be bothered to be told what to like. What
about them?

That’s why I want to test the waters and see if
this floats. I want the readers of CHUD and this dear article to head
to the Boards and nominate their Personal Criterion Collection entry. I
want to see explanations and not just mindless listing of entries,
people.

All titles eligible are previously released DVD/BR media that you believe to be essential/necessary to the collection of the Home Entertainment enthusiast.

THE FIRST ENTRIES

1. The Fountain

2. Videodrome

3. Seven Men from Now

4. Stalker

5. The Last Days of Disco
6. Paris, Texas
7. Vanishing Point
8. The Stunt Man
9. The Deer Hunter
10. The Third Man
11. Southland Tales
12. Head
13. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
14. Sorcerer
15. Henry V (1989)
16. The Great White Hope
17. Fixed Bayonets
18. Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary
19. The Ballad of Cable Hogue
20. Gates of Heaven
21. The Dirty Dozen
22. Opening Night
23. Birdman of Alcatraz
24. Elmer Gantry
25. The Band Wagon
26. Five Guns West
27. Detour
28. Jubal
29. Affair in Trinidad
30) Experiment in Terror
31) Seconds
32) Coffy
33) 1984
34) Special
35) Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense
36) The Fortune Cookie
37) Executive Suite
38) Two People
39) The Sand Pebbles
40) The Iron Horse
41) Watermelon Man
42) The Girl Can’t Help It
43) Diner
44) Rumble Fish
45) Pale Rider
46) High Plains Drifter
47) Lady Snowblood
48) Help
49) The Bank Job
50) The Hudsucker Proxy
51) Tommy
52) The Pawnbroker
53) Imitation of Life (1959)
54) Desperate Living
55) In Harm’s Way
56) The Dam Busters
57) The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant
58) Blood and Lace
59) Two-Lane Blacktop
60) Saint Jack
61) Saaraba
62) Meet the Feebles
63) Bob Roberts
64) Love Streams
65) Barfly
66) Billy Jack
67) Shock Corridor
68) Jason and the Argonauts
69) Curse of the Demon
70) Basket Case
71) Searching for Bobby Fisher
72) Safe
73) Deep Cover
74) Blow Out
75) The Mission (Johnny To)
76) Fresh
77) The Glass Shield
78) Dolls
79) He Got Game
80) King Rat
81) Zabriskie Point
82) Belle du Jour
83) Johnny Guitar
84) Inserts
85) The 36th Chamber of Shao-Lin
86) Tigerland
87) Duel
88) Last Train from Gun Hill
89) Cross Creek
90) The Last Detail
91) Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence
92) George Washington
93) Johnny Belinda
94) Battleground

and today’s entry suggested by Judas Booth.

95) The Five Deadly Venoms. (click on the box art to pre-order the Dragon Dynasty DVD at Amazon)

Despite being more than 30 years old, “Five Deadly Venoms” has not lost
its sting. Directed by Chang Cheh-who is often considered the
“Godfather of Hong Kong Cinema”-and released in 1978, “Five Deadly
Venoms” is a classic in the martial arts genre, with its impressive
display of fight choreography and acrobatics. But the film also plays
out as somewhat of a mystery, as the protagonist must discover who the
five deadly venoms are.

The story is set in ancient China. Yan Tieh is a young martial artist
and member of the Poison Clan. Yan’s teacher–one of the masters of the
Clan-reveals that he had previously taught five students before him.
Each of these five achieved a mastery of a unique kung fu style based
upon the traits of a venomous animal: The Centipede, Snake, Scorpion,
Lizard and Toad styles. Now dying and fearful that his prior students
are using their skills for evil, the master sends Yan to seek out the
Five Venoms-and kill them if necessary.

Of course, nothing in a martial arts flick is ever that easy. The
Poison Clan’s students all wore masks when they trained, so no one ever
knew their true identities. In fact, most of the Five Venoms don’t even
know each other, either. As the Clan is hated and feared by most
everyone, the Venoms will not use their skills in public to make
themselves easy to identify as Clan members.

Making Yan’s task even more difficult is that while he has studied all
five of the styles, he has not mastered any of them. The Five Venoms,
on the other hand, have attained mastery that gives them almost
superhero-like abilities: The Toad is impervious to pain; the Lizard
can run up walls to attack from above and so forth.

Even if Yan can locate his predecessors, he would be no match in a
fight against any or all of them. His only hope is to ally himself with
one and dispatch the other four.

Yan has one lead, though. His master’s colleague-another Poison Clan
teacher-has secretly attained much wealth and has “retired” to a nearby
village. Yan must find this man and, at the request of his teacher,
urge him to donate his wealth to a charity to help pay for some of the
wrongs committed by the Poison Clan. This will draw out the other
disciples of the Clan, who also know of this man and his wealth and
will surely try to kill him. Such treachery, after all, is the modus
operandi of martial artists gone bad.


HERE’S THE LINK TO NOMINATE MORE TITLES.

———————————————–

NEW RELEASES

*Blu-Ray prices are in BOLD BLUE

He’s Just Not That Into You    $15.99  $25.99
Revolutionary Road   $16.99    $26.99
Defiance   $16.99   $26.99
Weeds Season Four    $25.99  $25.99
Prison Break Season 4  $32.99

$4.99
Wedding Crashers
Tin Cup
Shawshank Redemption
Caddyshack

$9.99
The Hustler
Clint Eastwood: Western Icon Collection

TV on DVD

Weeds Season 1-3  $16.99  $16.99
Friday Night Lights Second Season   $16.99
Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles   $19.99
The Boondocks Second Season   $19.99
Rob & Big Season 1 and 2  $19.99

Blu-Ray Deals

Apocalypto   $19.99
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl  $19.99
Pearl Harbor  $19.99
Gone in 60 Seconds  $19.99
Rambo Collection   $34.99
The Godfather Collection   $49.99
Spider-Man Collection   $49.99
The Bourne Trilogy   $64.99

I’m only writing this because I know that he reads everything I write, particularly the stuff I post to the internet.  We’re cool like that.

Today is the birthday of Clint Eastwood, American icon. 

“Icon” is a word that gets thrown around pretty loosely these days, but there’s not a lot of need for argument on this one.  I think that the fact that Clint Eastwood is an icon, in front of the camera and in life, is the reason that his brilliant career as a film director remains underrated.  It’s true that the critical community and the major awards ceremonies have finally caught up with giving credit where it’s due, but I still get the sense that Clint doesn’t immediately come to mind where he should. 

If you ask anyone who writes about film who they consider to be the top contemporary American film directors, you’ll rightfully get names like Spielberg, Scorsese, Lynch, Coppola, and so on.  Eastwood belongs on that list.  Just remember that, Ebert.  Keep it fresh.

What I like most about Clint is really two things:  1) The movies he’s best known for are my favorite kind of movies, but 2) He has a relentless creative spirit that leads him to explore very different subjects and genres in those movies that people forget he’s also made.  I think it’s because he’s a jazz musician:  He knows the classic tropes inside and out, so he can experiment and explore within and beyond them.

It’s there from the start:  He’ll make a Western like High Plains Drifter (awesome), but it’s book-ended by his first movie, Play Misty For Me, which is about a radio DJ facing his lady stalker, and Breezy, which is a romance between William Holden and a much, much younger lady.  And High Plains Drifter is hardly conventional itself – it’s very dark, morally ambiguous, and really more a ghost story than a straightforward Western.

And so it goes, throughout his filmography:  When he does a Western, it’s always smart, unusual, and special.  The Outlaw Josey Wales is so much more profound and complicated than it may seem at first.  It’s a clear ancestor to Unforgiven.  Pale Rider is a bit more traditional, and a callback to High Plains Drifter.  Unforgiven is obviously a masterpiece, but then again I’d say Clint’s made a couple of those.

Bird is a brilliant example of the biopic, challenging and uneasy to watch, but a significant portrait of a great musician (Charlie Parker) and probably one of the movies closest to Clint’s heart.  The movie he did right afterwards, White Hunter Black Heart, is an underappreciated minor work, and also a biopic in a way, as it’s a veiled depiction of the director John Huston.  An earlier, much more lighthearted film of Clint’s, Bronco Billy, is also a veiled parable about moviemaking, in the way that it looks at a group of dissimilar people who come together to put on a show, even though the show may be looked upon by some as outdated.

I’m jumping around here, but that’s how rich and varied Clint’s cinematic output has been.  He’s done over 30 movies as a director alone – that’s close to one per year since he started directing, easily keeping pace with Woody Allen’s schedule (and in my opinion far more consistent.) 

It’s hard to think of an authorial voice more quintessentially American or more quintessentially masculine, although Clint again surprises on both counts:  He paired the World War 2 epic Flags Of Our Fathers with the arguably superior Letters From Iwo Jima, giving equal consideration to the Japanese perspective.  And I would point out that Clint is a director uncommonly interested in the female perspective – just look at his multiply-nominated-and-award-winning Million Dollar Baby, or the strangely underrated Changeling, with Angelina Jolie.  The fact that Clint made a movie that good in the same calendar year that he released the excellent Gran Torino is astounding, thrilling, and shaming to the lazy and content.

He’s just the best.  Or among the best, if I have to accede that much.  Even a lesser Eastwood movie is worth a look, just as it is with Scorsese or Spielberg.  (I’d put Michael Mann in that grouping also, personally.)  If you’re at all serious about movies, it goes without saying:  Watch how these guys do it, and be inspired.

Anyway, happy birthday, Clint.  I think I’ll be using the occasion as an excuse to watch Unforgiven again, because it’s been more than a year and twenty times isn’t enough.  Just forgive me if I follow it with Kelly’s Heroes, because, y’know –  Eastwood + Don Rickles + war movie = really the reason to watch movies in the first place.

jonnyabomb@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jonnyabomb

So last night I was watching my newly acquired dvd of Straw Dogs with my girlfriend, and  I came to realize something as Hoffman was beating that sleazy guy to death with a poker. Where have all the American action stars gone?

I know that Straw Dogs has nothing to do with action per se, and that Sumner is only driven to violence to protect his home and wife, but just the fact that it was Dustin Hoffman meting out this justice made me think about how in a different context he could have been an unlikely action hero.

Nowadays all of the big gruff manly action stars are mostly of European descent. Who do we look forward to in bashing in heads and yelling “CUNT!” at the top of his lungs? Jason Statham. He is the next big action star, which is getting certified with his role in The Expendables. That leads me to the next part. The aging action stars.

The major American action stars of the 80’s and 90’s were arguably Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. Willis has never stopped, and Stallone has just gotten back into the fray with the excellent Rambo and forthcoming Expendables, but it makes me sad that there has yet to be another name that gets thrown around as the next action guy in the states.

Sam Worthington is another likely candidate, but he’s Australian.

Has America grown softer now? Is it nothing but pretty boys and Emo kids out there, so tinseltown gives us movies with actors who look and act like them? All of the big gruff American action stars are in their 50’s now. Some of the European and Asian counterparts are as well.

Van Damme is nearing the 50 mark, and Statham is in his 30’s so he’s still got a lot of time left, and Jet Li is nearing 50 as well.

I love that as far as action goes, there are still a lot of guys kicking ass, and a lot of them are in their 50’s or in the case of Stallone, 60’s, but it galls me that apparently America has not yet brought out a new name that will become synonymous with action.

Addenum: I’m not knocking on any of the other action stars. Statham is friggin’ awesome, and I love just about every one of his films.

Rene’s song of the day: “Theme from Taxi Driver” by Bernard Herrmann

Thanks for reading my blog and see you next time!

It’s been a long fucking day.  You know what I’m talking about: Those days
that you want to sleep until 8:30 but end up waking up an hour early.  You struggle to fall back asleep, but static (or voices) keep you from that much needed hour.  Yeah….and then it is time for work.   

But I digress.  I was
on the bus today watching an obese lady massage her sausage-leg when a sudden
scene from Total Recall popped into
my head.  Arnold…dressed in that fat suit
trying to go through the terminal.  And
in my A.D.D. mind, that thought lead to this blog post about remakes.

 Love ’em OR hate ’em,
Hollywood has remakaholism.  All our favorite
horror movies are being retooled and packaged into a slick “torture-porn” rehash that sometimes
produces gold (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
and other times produces diarrhea. (Friday
The 13th) 

There are some
interesting ones on the way too:  Nightmare On Elm Street could be descent
and Bad Lieutenant looks like a
disaster. 

Regardless, Hollywood has decided that remaking a brand can
be lucrative.  My question is,  what movies DESERVE to be remade?

Henry: Portrait Of
A Serial Killer

This movie has a dark aura surrounding it.  Older film fans will remember the days when
you had to go to a specialized movie store to rent these flicks.  They only existed on VHS, and for a time you
actually had to put a deposit down to rent them!  And because it took more effort and
exploration, these movies were surrounded with mysticism and obscurity.

Hands down, Michael Rooker kills (no pun
intended) in the roll of Henry Lee Lucas. 
Every grainy frame of this film is packed with disgust, blood and a
general lack of humanity. 

While I was impressed (and disturbed) by the movie, I could
see the story being improved and tweaked. 
H.P.O.A.S.K. is told from one
perspective, Henry’s.  We see what he sees
and are forced into his twisted world. 

This movie isn’t SOOO sacred that it can’t be slicked up a
little, with possibly more characters and more plot.  The movie plays at a snail pace, and often
shows too much rather than letting the viewer fill in the blanks.   Yes, it’s based on a
true story, but how much weight does that hold with movies?  I personally could see a Seven approach to a movie like this, as long as it remains hard
R. 

I Spit On Your
Grave

A young woman decides to go to the country to write a
novel.  The local hillbillies have run
out of sheep to fuck, and one day decide to repeatedly rape the poor
author.  (For over 20 minutes, all on film.)  Naturally, she exacts her revenge by
killing and brutally torturing them, one by one.

This pseudo snuff-film is a BRUTAL piece of work, and WAY up there on the
revenge-flick list.  While it is iconic
in many ways, it’s not above the remake treatment.  First off, the movie DRAGS and DRAGS.  There are many pointless scenes, and the
acting is atrocious. 

Most people have watched this movie for its lore, but I don’t
really care about anyone in this movie…..most of all, the protagonist.  She’s lifeless and complacent.  She just lets things happen, and then somehow
musters the courage to kill everyone at the end of the movie.  There could be more of an arc, and with the
right director this could be a great story.   

At the end of the day, I’m pleased that some franchises can
be “reborn” from a remake. But when it comes at the cost of tampering with works
of perfection, then don’t fix what aint broken. There are many sub-par movies
with great plots that NEED a retelling.    

I’m fuckin in, you’re fuckin out – Kenny Powers

BUY FROM AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
STUDIO: Lionsgate
MSRP: $19.98
RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 143 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Cast interviews

The Pitch

“It’s Tyler Perry’s Questionable Morality meets Tyler Perry’s Affinity for Traditional Values!”

The Humans

Tamar Grant, Tony Davis, Palmer Williams Jr., Myra Beasley, Brandi Milton.

The Nutshell

Judith is a marriage counselor. She counsels marriages. Poorly. Then she screws off with an old college flame thereby ruining her own marriage. Then some moralizing happens. Then the bad people get AIDS.

Tyler Perry went out of his way to hide the microphones in this production,
capturing that elusive verisimilitude.

The Lowdown

This is the first Tyler Perry production I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing. Did you know these things were stage plays? I had no idea. I saw all kinds of “The Tyler Perry Collection” DVDs on the shelves around town, but they never appealed to me, so I didn’t give them a second glance. And, until now, I’ve managed to dodge the bullet here at CHUD by never had one of these sent my way for review. Here I am, though. Learning something new every day.

I don’t bring up the nature of this beast just to underscore how ignorant I am; I actually think it’s relevant to note that this is not a film production. This story was meant for the stage. The film version you get is orchestrated across several cameras, but it’s an essentially static thing. Meaning that this DVD is meant to boost the audience, make a little more money. Nothing else really factors into its reason for existing. It’s logistically interesting because of this, for one simple reason: This is not mass market entertainment. Tyler Perry produces niche entertainment, intended for an audience that likes a certain type of comedic interaction, with a certain amount of religious reference, and a certain depth of drama.

(Derivative, copious, and shallow, respectively, in my opinion. Broad, appropriate, and familiar, to be kinder.)

Here, Perry secreted a tiny mic inside the mole on Tamar’s nose.

I’m not keen on how the characters are sketched in The Marriage Counselor, which makes me suspect I’m not part of Mr. Perry’s focused audience group. Very little in the way of nuance appears in the leads, and, in fact, when Judith — our “hero” — manages to create some believable interpersonal conflict, she is removed from the story almost entirely. The worst caricature is that of the single white girl who acts as Judith’s assistant. Reverse racism?

Well, no, because there’s no such thing, and everyone should shut up about it. But it does show that The Marriage Counselor is happy to slot characters into the roles of traditional comedy — the fool, the foil, the faithful — just like Shakespeare ripped off all those hundreds of years ago.

The woman on the right is actually an A-cup. The rest of that space?
You guessed it: sound equipment.

That’s not something I can hold directly against the man or the production. Perry has tradition in his veins, it seems. From the structure of the play (broadly speaking) to the attitudes of those the audience is meant to root for, Perry pulls inspiration from the folksy and the well-established almost entirely. And you know what? The theater audience, clearly audible on the soundtrack, is right along with him, guffawing and shouting “Amen!” He has an audience, plainly, and I’m going to go ahead and assume producing these DVDs is a viable financial strategy for him because of that audience.

I do want to highlight, though, two reasons why I don’t think I’ll ever be part of his audience.

1. I don’t appreciate moralizing that stems from bigotry, e.g. “Whores get AIDS.”

I’m not even joking when I say that the dramatic turn in _The Marriage Counselor_ hinges on a lady being afflicted with terrible uncertainty after realizing her infidelity may have gotten her infected with HIV. I can’t get behind that kind of low-level thinking, and, as a message meant to stick with the audience, it’s about as effective for me as abstinence-only education was.

A rare silent scene, by necessity.

2. I kind of dig feminism.

Don’t get fooled just because the protagonist is a woman. Perry’s tale here is about as far away from portraying gender equality as a spanking fetish clip. The women are all subservient to the whims of the men around them. Even Judith’s mother, the “strong” woman is obedient to a fault to her man Jesus. The couples seeking counseling solve their problems not through communication but through the woman somehow bowing to their husbands’ desires, or admitting that, in the end, they had wanted the same things as their husbands all along. Ain’t that sweet?

I wouldn’t go so far as to accuse Tyler Perry of outright ugly misogyny or immorality, but there’s a discomforting texture to The Marriage Counselor that occasionally feels like one or the other. More than likely it’s another symptom of Perry’s instinctive pursuit of audience satisfaction. In that case, I’m content to remain unsatisfied.

Guess!
Nope! Wrong!

The Package

You get some interviews with the cast about their roles in the play and how much they’re enjoying being in the play and how neat-o Tyler Perry is. Consensus: Pretty neat-o.

Just a quickie mention that ComingSoon has the new 45-second G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra clip that’s set to premiere at the MTV Movie Awards Pre-Show this Sunday at 7 PM ET.  But of course that premiere is kind of moot now that it’ll probably be all over the web before dinner time (Pacific at least).  Even more moot because MTV already has it on their own website here. 

It contains what looks to be a sequence directly after super-suited Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) and Duke (Channing Tatum) pursue Baroness (Sienna Miller, looking evil and delicious) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) through the streets of Paris and right before said villains make the Eiffel Tower go bye-bye.

You of course can head on over to either website or check it out below. 

One big news story this week was that Fox might be looking to reboot or prequel-ize Alien. At the junket today for The Taking of Pelham One, Two Three, Frosty from Collider cornered Tony Scott to ask about the project. Scott’s answer was direct:

“Yes, Carl Rinsch is going to do the prequel to Alien. He’s one of our directors at our company.”

That’s all the real news. Rinsch is directing (and, in fairness, his commercial reel has some great stuff on it) and the film is a prequel. In what way? Will we see the Alien planet, or the race from which the first film’s famous space jockey came?

Years ago this would have made me sad, but now, I just don’t care. The fourth Alien film and two AvP movies dulled any real concern I might have continued to harbor from this series and Fox. At this point they can only go up.

Read the entire piece at Collider for a few other statements from Scott.