There’s a plethora of on demand video out there these days. So much so that sometimes it can be hard to wade through it all and find something worth watching. Watch This Now is your guide to instant video on Netflix, Hulu and elsewhere, highlighting the very best stuff that you can watch right now.

This is Music Week at Watch This Now. We’ll be bringing you the best musicals, music docs, performance films and music biopics available instantly online.

New York Hardcore. The most extreme music scene of them all?

This fantastic documentary was shot in 1995, just about the time when my young and ignorant ass was just getting into the metal/hardcore scene myself. I’ve got a real soft spot for this film as I’ve seen most of the bands included a hundred times, probably even kicked a few by accident in the pit. It’s a nice look back at some of the people who started the whole crazy thing.  
 
Regardless of whether you enjoy the music or not (and really, most of you will hate it) it’s impossible not to be sucked into these guy’s lives. They’ve all had it pretty hard, and share their insane stories of violence, fears and thoughts on why they do what they do. Hardcore really is the ultimate working class music- raw and loud and full of hate- but it’s also all about bonding together, about unity and brotherhood. Is it all bullshit? Possibly. But NYHC differs from most scenes in that there was such a huge mix of races and ethnicities. As long as you weren’t a knucklehead you’d be accepted in the scene, and practically every crew I knew was mixed race. It’s a shame that so many assholes got into the scene and ruined it for everyone else… going there just to start fights. It’s the reason why I haven’t been to a show in years, myself.

There was some minor criticism over the bands selected for the doc because a lot of the bigger names aren’t included (Cro-Mags, Murphy’s Law, Sick of It All, etc.) but the ones included represent a nice mix of different styles from different boroughs. The film’s also a really interesting look at how things used to be in NYC in the 90s. Some of the bands shown still remain- Madball’s still going strong, and VOD keeps trying to win back its old fans. But all the venues have all long been closed down- Wetlands, Coney Island High… they’re all gone and it’s rare to find a place that will allow a hardcore show. Hell, things have changed a lot in the city- just take a walk down on St. Marks where Coney Island High used to be and you won’t recongize the place.

There really was no other scene like the NYHC scene.

Last year they just released a 2-disc dvd of N.Y.H.C. that you can pick up here– it’s got tons of new interviews with the guys (now a decade later!) and full-length performances from most of the bands.

BUY FROM AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
STUDIO: Lionsgate
MSRP: $13.99
RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 90 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Outtakes
• Deleted Scenes
• Making of featurette
• Commentary track

The Pitch
  
More language! More jokes! More production values! More tits and ass! Precisely the way God intended sequels to be.

The Humans
 
Starring Rob Benedict, Luis Guzman, John Michael Higgins, Alanna Ubach, Steve Howey and Tania Raymonde
Writer: Rob McKittrick
Director: Jeff Balis

The Nutshell
 
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The second go around with the waitstaff at Shenaniganz restaurant ends up a lot like the first: surprisingly enjoyable, though the menu is not meant for everybody . It won’t reinvent the wheel of comedy, but there are enough laughs to be had that it will warrant a glance late at night when you’re hungry but would rather watch other people eat.

The Lowdown

Was anyone calling for a sequel to ‘Waiting’? Hmmm? Internet, I’m talking to you. Now, I enjoy the first one; I daresay I probably enjoy it more than I perhaps should, perhaps more than this website legally allows, but even I look at the idea of a sequel as stupid, unnecessary and little more than a cash grab.

So, I walked into this one ready to hate it. I had ridiculous hyperbole all made up and was just waiting to tailor it to the film. There’s no way, NO WAY, this would be a) funny or b) good. So when the credits came up and I found myself grinning and not hating, nay, even enjoying the preceding picture, I was just as shocked as anyone.

Everything in a sequel has to be doubled. This time around we have two restaurants in which to split our attention: Applebee’s-esque Shenaniganz and Hooters-ish TaTas, both owned by the same company, but both different as night and day. To say that TaTas is the more fun place to be in is obviously understating it, but with the exception of the new girl, the TaTa’s half of the storyline is ridiculous, shallow and only interesting when directly compared to Shenaniganz, which is tamer but is at least filled with actors who can deliver a quip or two.     
 
‘Waiting’ worked when it was focused on everyone but the ‘straight man’ (in the form of Justin Long, who carried his role on charisma) and ‘Still Waiting…’ is no different. John Michael Higgins assumes the role of pathetic, still-living-with-mom manager who keeps telling himself that he’ll finally get the girl when he gets the next promotion. The film saddles him with a dull story, featuring an Adam Carolla who out Adam Carolla’s himself in the form of a DVD dating guru, David Koechner reprising his role and a lot of awkwardness. Higgins is at no fault for this, he’s wonderful as the picture perfect representation of middle American store manager, he’s just never given anything interesting to do, as if writer Rob McKittrick only ever comes back to him to give us some form of unearned emotional payoff in the end.
 

The real fun of ‘Still Waiting…’ of course comes from the ensemble cast of ‘wacky’ characters doing ‘wacky’ things. A few of the original cast members reprise their role, including Rob Benedict, Andy Milonakis and Alanna Ubach; but for the most part it’s an all new crew manning the tables. New in name, but not in function. Not wishing to deviate from a winning formula, the newcomers are saddled into the roles of their (usually superior) originals: Steve Howey is a poor man’s Ryan Reynolds and all of his bigoted humor comes off as just annoying (not to mention his cribbing of a Jason Segal line from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’), Kirk Fox is the bartender, no he’s not a lesbian, but he might as well be gay, heck even Tania Raymonde (Alex from Lost) fills in the shoes of ‘hot girl with guy problems’  (and she looks great when she’s not on an island). Ultimately, there’s no spark or camaraderie between the actors. ‘Waiting’ might be many bad things, but you can’t say that it wasn’t earnest and fueled with love; here, it’s a paycheck. The old guard remembers some of the magic, but the new guys are a bit clunky and out of place and we look towards the familiar faces, such as Luiz Guzman, to carry us through the film.
 
The biggest sin the movie commits is nullifying the previous one. The original ‘Waiting’ ended on a note of optimism (and spoil..ah, hell, you don’t care) with Justin Long quitting his job and determined to strike out into the world and become something. He became something alright: a pathetic washup, right back into the managerial system of Shenaniganz. He has the most emotional scenes not because they’re somber and heartfelt, they’re actually quite funny, but because it wasn’t supposed to happen that way and you feel a little betrayed by the creators. Is this what happens to all of us who seeks a new path? We end up right back where we started? Yes, I’m delving beneath the surface of the sequel to motherfucking ‘Waiting’.
 

The script, written by the original’s scribe, is filled with equal parts quips and sight gags. I wasn’t keeping count, but jokes definitely hit more than they missed, and they manage to come through in spite of some poor delivery from some of the actors.
  
‘Still Waiting…’ rises above conventional direct to DVD fare. Oh sure, it treads absolutely zero new ground and even makes its older sibling a little more cynical to boot, but there’s enough here to warrant at least a view on Netflix if you enjoyed the original. If you didn’t enjoy the original, everything you didn’t enjoy about it is back times two, so avoid. I laughed, I ‘lol’ed and the best thing I can say about ‘Still Waiting…’ is not that I didn’t hate it (I enjoyed it mostly) but that I would gladly see it again. Check please.

The Package

Despite being direct to DVD, the movie comes with a full feature’s worth of appetizers. Plenty of deleted scenes (deleted for a reason), several outtake reels (some funny, some not), a making of featurette and a commentary track from both the writer and director round out the package and give you as much bang for your buck (which certainly won’t be a lot). So enjoy.

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
MSRP: $19.98
RATED: G
RUNNING TIME: 88 min
SPECIAL FEATURES:

• New Interviews with Carroll Spinney
• Jump to a Song (7 Songs total)
• Singalong
• DVD-Rom enhanced features
  

The Pitch

Sunny days can’t keep the clouds away when you’re an adult.

The Humans

Caroll Spinney, Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Richard Hunt, Kathryn Mullen, John Candy and Chevy Chase

The Nutshell

Big Bird is being forced in an adoption scheme that takes him off of Sesame Street. Therefore, he’s got to work out a way to return home. The problem is that he gets lost and it’s up to the Sesame Street gang to save him. It’s up to a deaf chick, some ethnics and a gay white guy to save the day. Luckily, we have the Muppets to even up the odds.

Oscar the Grouch didn’t get any TARP funds.

The Lowdown

Sesame Street is such a pop culture phenomenon. When Follow that Bird was released, it was a smash hit. Children loves puppets. Children love learning when they don’t know they’re being taught. More importantly, children understand the power of the properly used celebrity cameo.

The bulk of Chewers under 30 will have a wildly varied memory of this film. Some see it as a beloved touchstone to a childhood that they should have outgrown. Others will swoon over the music and try to rehash quick bits of nostalgia for the sake of nothingness. Others will remember being dragged to the flick against their will.

Just like that, Treadstone deployed The Big Bird against Bourne.

The film is simplistic and should be used as a mirror. You don’t care about a seven foot bird trying to find his way home. You want to see Grover do something stupid. You want to see the old familiars do the same ol’ shit on the big screen. This is the filmed equivalent of a fast food menu.

A lot of people are going to have a hard time accepting that. They want to treat every little item from their childhood as some sacred relic that belongs in a museum. I’ve got a little something to tell you. Your childhood was made up of the same homogenized crap that composed the bulk of your contemporaries’ existence. Well, unless you got sodomized by Jim Henson or something. Then, you’ve probably got a book deal in the works.

Follow that Bird stands as proof that you can give children nothing and they can make a big deal out of it. I’ve watched the film twice in the last four days and I can barely remember any details. All that matters is that Warner Brothers finally released the film in its original aspect ratio. It’s a shame that getting a widescreen transfer is such an issue in this day and age. I thought we moved on from that sticking point.

Furry pimp.

The Package

New Interviews with Caroll Spinney – It’s fun to see the elderly Caroll Spinney reflect on his work at Children’s Television Workshop. He remembers about meeting Henson and developing the Grouch and Big Bird. It’s great work all around and it stands up over the years.

Jump to a Song (7 Songs Total) – Seven songs are included in the special supplemental that allows you to jump to a forgettable song.

Singalong – You get to get your kids, your elderly relatives or you goofy ass to sing along to a piece of felt.

DVD-Rom enhanced features – The DVD has special DVD-Rom features that include downloadable coloring sheets and the theatrical trailer.

Doesn’t that look like George Lucas in the background? I’m talking about a pre-jowled Lucas.

7.0 out of 10

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
STUDIO: Shout Factory
MSRP: $19.99
RATED: PG
RUNNING TIME: 106 min
SPECIAL FEATURES:

• Includes a limited-edition reproduction of the film poster in-pack.
• Dalton Trumbo: Rebel In Hollywood (60 min. feature available for the first time in U.S.).
• Interview with star Timothy Bottoms.
• Behind-the-scenes footage with commentary by the film’s DP, Jules Brenner & Timothy Bottoms.
• Original theatrical trailer.
• Metallica Music video for ‘One’, featuring footage from the film.
• 1940 Radio adaptation staring James Cagney.

The Pitch

War can fuck you up.

The Humans

Timothy Bottoms, Donald Sutherland and Jason Robards

The Nutshell

Joe (Timothy Bottoms) is a young man that’s horribly injured on the final day of World War I. His face has been blown off and he’s loss the use of major limbs. Somehow, he still holds onto life. Unable to communicate with the outside world, Joe lives inside of his life. He thinks a lot about his life, spirituality and his eventual acceptance of death. But, will death ever come?

I can’t see these guys without hearing Kirk Hammett playing in the background.

The Lowdown

Dalton Trumbo was one of the greatest screenwriters in Hollywood history. In 1939, he wrote one of the most meaningful Anti-War novels. In 1971, he decided to film his novel as a statement against the Vietnam War. The usual suspect turned out and what resulted was an interesting piece of Cinema that looks at the thin lines that connect life and death. Somehow, Metallica ended up owning the rights to the film.

The bulk of younger people came to know of the film from its inclusion in Metallica’s One video. The popular story is that the band was a big fan of the film, but didn’t know how to get footage for it. Seeing that the long Out of Print was cheaper to buy outright than license clips, the metal band picked it up. I’m not sure if the band still owns it, but I thank them for introducing me to the film.

Donald Christ looked up his work and it was good. He’ll name the Starchild something manly. Jack Bauer’s a good name. Thus, a television legend was born.

The film’s main character Joe is pretty one-dimensional when we meet him. He’s a young man that is unsure of his place in War. His father tells him that he’ll glady sacrifice him to defend Democracy around the world. But, Joe spends his days in foxholes trying to figure out his place in the world. On the final day of the War, Joe gets pinned down by enemy forces and gets the ultimate frag. Joe awakens in a hospital under gauze, bandages and a face mask. He can’t move, he can’t feel and he can’t speak.

The hospital administrators and the military are fascinated by Joe’s inability to die. So, they decide to experiment on him. They want to see how long they can keep the basket case alive before he finally kicks it. Eventually, Joe discovers a way to communicate with the nurses in morse code. Unfortunately, this puts a crimp in the Army Hospital’s plans.

Johnny Got His Gun proves that the best way to address matters regarding War is to show its true horror. Placing the focus on an individual and breaking down periods in his life, we see how a man can come apart. Still, nothing beats that finale. Joe lying in bed, just begging to be given the final gift one can give a person. It’s a meditation on dignity and respect vs. one’s station in life.

Trauma trough.

The Package

Replication of the Original Poster – Included is a decent fold-out replica of the original theatrical poster

Dalton Trumbo: Rebel in Hollywood – This is the first time that this documentary has been available on DVD in America. It’s a short ride through Trumbo’s past and his many accomplishments.

Metallica music video for One – You get to see the video that inspired me to seek out this film as a younger man. Thrill to a once-legendary band in their heyday. See the mullets. Stay for the melancholy.

Interview with star Timothy Bottoms – Tim Bottoms looks too much like George W. Bush now. There’s a reason for that.

Original Theatrical Trailer – The trailer. 

1940 Radio Adaptation audio clip starring James Cagney – Taking a page from Criterion, Shout Factory has hunted down the full audio for the 1940 Radio Adaptation of Trumbo’s original novel. Cagney makes the reading exciting, but that’s about it. 

Behind-the-scenes footage – Commentary from the film’s Director of Photography, the star and a producer on the film’s impact and how they went about constructing it.

Robards wanted to be The Ringmaster in Roger Corman’s Hulk film in the worst way.

8.5 out of 10

You all know and love Thomas Jane as an actor, but did you know that he had aspirations of being a director?

It’s true, and he’s already directed his first feature, Dark Country. It’s a 3D noir film that he stars in alongside Ron Perlman (they must really love working together!) and Lauren German. The film’s about “A couple en route from Las Vegas are forced to deal with a body out in the desert making their honeymoon one hellish ride.“

Jane talked to STYD about the project a couple of years ago, and stressed that the 3D effect wouldn’t be gimmicky.

“We’re going for the effect that Hitchcock used when he made ‘Dial M for Murder’ than what we saw in Vincent Price’s ‘House of Wax.’ It’s a more sophisticated use of the technology which is what we’re striving for. Up until now we’ve seen all of this PG-13 stuff so I want to do an R-rated adult-oriented 3D thriller.”

It’s definitely got an interesting look. The film’s been picked up by Sony but has no release date just yet- we’ll let you know when we do. Head on over to Quiet Earth to see the rest of the stills.

If you’re a movie exec, right now you’ve got a massive hard-on for 3D. The big business Monsters vs. Aliens did over the weekend (nearly $60m) is being touted as proof that the format is the salvation of the industry. The implication is clear: if people will pay a premium to see this shit in 3D, they’ll pay extra to see anything!

With theatre owner convention ShoWest in full swing in Las Vegas, talking heads are, predictably, boasting about the future of 3D. Jim Gianopulos, co-chair of Fox Filmed Entertainment, claimed that more 3D screens could add $1 billion in revenue, so theatre owners shouldn’t delay in adding them. Variety relates that Jeffrey Katzenberg, 3D’s loudest cheerleader, talked up the line of credit that will soon be available to help big chains get screens into their auditoriums.

This enthusiasm from execs only helps fuel my suspicious attitude towards 3D. In a commentary piece today (I can’t remember who, but if I remember I’ll link it) another writer reiterated the points that we’ve argued here before, that any of the studio enthusiasm towards the format that claims to be for the sake of storytelling is bullshit. 3D justifies higher ticket prices, and the anti-piracy angle is a nice bonus. You’re already paying two to three dollars more per ticket for 3D. Katzenberg is pushing for a $5 premium.

Katzenberg has also discussed a future in which 3D glasses will be a personalized, boutique item. Fox likes that approach, too, inasmuch as it wouldn’t put the financial burden of providing glasses on the studio. THR says that “Fox has quietly begun alerting exhibitors not to expect any payments for costs associated with the use of special glasses when its 3-D pics play in digital auditoriums.” Hey, it’s Fox, right? Big surprise. But if theaters have to pay for glasses, that means you’ll pay for them — really, we’re paying regardless, but this isn’t an argument that exhibitors and other studios are going to like.

I was in the minority when arguing that Coraline might be better in 2D than 3D, despite the intentions of director Henry Selick. I’d say the acceptance of 3D had more to do with the quality of the film than the 3D. Coraline was, I think, the first non-documentary 3D feature to be any good as a movie. Until we see a feature that genuinely puts the format to work as a narrative device, in the same way that lighting, sound and mise en scene are used, I’ll continue to look at it sideways. 

And the 3D hype machine rolls on. James Cameron’s Avatar may not be at ShoWest, but Disney/Pixar are, and some are already trumpeting the revelation of Tron 2.0 footage in 3D. (Or maybe the title is just Tron, according to /Film.) Over at Collider, Frosty enthuses “…it absolutely blew me away. If you’re a fan of  the original “Tron”, this sequel looks so amazing you are going to freak out when you see it in 3-D. Seriously. It will rock your world. This was easily the best thing I saw at the convention and I don’t know what else is going to come close.”

Eidos just sent over these absolutely beautiful screens for Just Cause 2. Those of you who missed out on the first game should remedy that… you can pick it up for just a couple of bucks now, and the fun sandbox game was definitely underlooked among all the other big guns of the genre.

Developed by Avalanche Studios, Just Cause 2 finds Rico Rodriguez returning in an epic open-world adventure set in the diverse tropical playground of Panau in South East Asia, where the aim is to cause chaos and destruction in a way that only Rico knows how! His mission is to destabilize the island and free it from the tyranny of the evil dictator, Baby Panay. Players will tackle missions and objectives in any way they want while exploring the highly-detailed and beautiful island by land, sea or air, performing an insane range of new daredevil stunts and mastering the use of the all new grappling hook and Rico’s trademark parachute.

The parachute was easily the best aspect of the first game, and the one you’d most miss when playing any other open-world game like it. There was just nothing like climbing up to the top of a mountain, jumping off and plummeting to the ground, only to deploy the parachute at the last second. Using a grappling hook you could shoot any car that was driving by you and hook onto it, flying up behind it. Wind yourself in and you’ve just hijacked a car. Wonder what new features the grappling hook might have?

 
The game’s going to hit this Fall for the Xbox 360, PS3 and PC. More as we hear it!

For the past few years, the Independent Film Festival Boston has shown steady growth. But for 2009 the fest has outdone itself with a stellar lineup of films that is as good as the heavily covered slates at Sundance and SXSW.

In the list are some of the big Sundance faves: Big Fan, the drama starring Patton Oswalt; Bobcat Golthwait’s new directorial effort World’s Greatest Dad; Tom Hardy’s breakout film Bronson; and the dead baby horror film Grace. Docs are well represented, too: Best Worst Movie, the Troll 2 examination, is there, as are Monsters From the Id, which is both a love letter to early movie sci-fi and an examination of how movie science inspired us, Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison and the short about John Cazale, I Knew It Was You.

The full lineup, which contains even more brilliant films, is here. Films will show at the Brattle Theatre, Coolidge Corner, The Somerville Theatre and the Institute of Contemporary Art / Boston. If you live in the Northeast, there’s no better reason to get into metro Boston for a couple days in late April.

Spoilers.

24 Official Site

The Time: Mondays, 8:00 PM, Fox

The Show:

Jack
Bauer is a former government agent, most recently assigned to the
now-defunct Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU), which was tasked with
investigating and preventing threats to American national
security.  Doing whatever it takes to get the job done, Jack
is a dedicated and deadly instrument of justice who has saved the
country on numerous occasions, though frequently paying a high price
for his service.  Following Jack’s exploits over a full 24
hours of one day in real time, 24 is an award-winning political and action thriller that created a new format – and standard – in TV drama.

The Stars:

•  Kiefer Sutherland – Jack Bauer
•  Mary Lynn Rajskub as Chloe O’Brian
•  Cherry Jones as President Allison Taylor
•  James Morrison as Bill Buchanan
•  Annie Wersching as FBI Special Agent Renee Walker
•  Colm Feore as First Gentleman Henry Taylor
•  Bob Gunton as White House Chief of Staff Ethan Kanin
•  Jeffrey Nordling as FBI Special Agent in Charge Larry Moss
•  Rhys Coiro as FBI Special Agent Sean Hillinger
•  Janeane Garofalo as FBI Special Agent Janis Gold
•  Carlos Bernard as Tony Almeida
•  Peter Wingfield as Emerson
•  Ever Carradine as Erika
•  Tony Todd as General Juma
•  Hakeem Kae-Kazim as Colonel Ike Dubaku
•  Kurtwood Smith as Senator Blaine Mayer
•  Glenn Morshower as Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce
•  Sprague Grayden as Olivia Taylor
•  Cameron Daddo as Vice President Mitchell Hayworth
•  Jon Voight as Jonas Hodges
•  Carlo Rota as Morris O’Brian

The Episode: “11:00 PM – 12:00 AM”

The authorities finally catch up with Jack, who’s been exposed to the bio-weapon that was re-snatched by Starkwood.  CDC is quickly on the scene and Jack gets thes prison washdown as they test him to see if he tests positive for exposure to the bio-weapon.  Meanwhile, at Starkwood, Hodges and his crew are preparing the weapon to be used and Tony is interrogated for info on what the FBI knows.  At the FBI, Moss apologizes to Renee ad reinstates her once he realizes that Jack was framed.  The FBI prepares its assault on Starkwood when Tony escapes and manages to contact them.  At the White House, Olivia Taylor is solidifying her new position in her mother’s administration.

The Lowdown:

Fairly uninteresting episode all things told.  There’s always an episode every season where Jack is on the sidelines, either decompressing from a big mission, en route somewhere or being otherwise engaged, and that’s what we have here.  He’s tested by the CDC and discovers that he’s positive for exposure to the bio-weapon.  The weapon is a variant on a neural pathogen, but has been engineered to be non-contagious.  Only initial exposure results in sickness.  So my guess last week that his exposure would be negative due to the weapon being some sort of binary agent was off.  Jack is sick, there’s supposedly no cure, and I’m sure he’ll start showing signs very soon.

At the White House, Olivia Taylor recommends a new chief of staff to
her mother, the President.  In the interim though, President Taylor
makes her acting COS, which Olivia likes very much.  She asks Aaron
Pierce to stay on as her personal Secret Service protection.  The President also gets word on Jack’s innocence and status from Moss.  She also realizes the mistakes that were made that allowed Starkwood to become so dangerous an enemy and how they experimented on Sangalans with Juma to develop the bio-weapon via test footage.

The real action of the episode takes place on the Starkwood compound, where Tony is interrogated by Hodges’ men.  Hodges surprisingly offers Tony a way out, if he’ll only give up any info he has on the FBI’s state of readiness concerning their impending assault.  Tony doesn’t give up anything and is pretty much prepared to not be around much longer.  Surprisingly, he gets help from one of Hodges’ men, Greg Seaton (Rory Cochrane), who disagrees with Hodges’ course of action.  In exchange for immunity, he’ll give up the exact location of the weapon on the huge compound so the FBI can mount an assault.

The FBI do raid the compound, on an order straight from the President.  However, things go south when everyone realizes, including Tony, that Seaton played them all, and the weapon isn’t in the building he claimed it was.  The episode ends in a standoff between Moss, Tony and the FBI, against the Starkwood men, who are pretty much now the most powerful anti-government militia since the Revolutionary War. 

As far as this season is now going, Jack’s impending sickness throws a new twist into the mix, but the hope that I had that this season could be improved is starting to fade again.  The Starkwood militia angle is interesting, but when all is said and done, this season is pretty much more of the same.  Seeing Jack’s scars from his time in the trenches on the show was pretty harsh, especially for Renee, whom I do like.  Only eight episodes to go, and we already know that Season 8 is a go for next year.  I just hope that the major overhaul that this season was supposed to bring is realized for next.   

Springtime
is in the air. The birds are chirping. The flowers are blooming. Pollen
is drifting through the wind, taking hold and situating itself to help
bring about new and exciting leafy living things to make our lives
enriched. As a result, welcome to our latest CHUD List, a look at the
20 best plants in film history. A few things to consider:

Anne
Ramsey was not officially a plant, so she is excused from this list.
The same goes for Maude Adams, Jack Elam, and that thing on Aaron
Neville.

Also, fuck The Happening. And here we go!

18. The Tree Of Life

Exterior: Legendary tree travels around in a 25th century spaceship.

Interior: Life-giving sap.

The Film: The Fountain (2006)

Leafy Truths: The film spans three different time periods, and to a certain degree the tree is present in all of them – be it as a fully fledged Holy entity or as a piece of Guatemalan bark. The Bible states (as well as other sources) that if one were to drink the milky sap that flows from it then they would be granted eternal life. In the film that’s true, but first you would have to endure the internal rupturing of your mortal organs, as foliage bursts forth from every opening it can find. The fun part is when the internal plants decide to make their own openings, and come roaring out of the stomach region!

Root of Evil: God made it a few years back. Not particularly evil, unless you’re a wandering Hugh Jackman.

Gardening Tips: Being a device made by the Lord himself, there’s no upkeep needed, as long as you tattoo yourself nearby. It’s bark doesn’t flake or fall off like normal trees (see The Guardian, for an example of a normal tree), but you can certainly pry a piece off in order to sip from the froth that seeps.

The Bible refers to this as “a Fountain drink”.

Its Place in Plantdom: Easily the oldest entry on this list, the ol’ wooden heap has been around since time began, since before even mankind itself. So to say it’s held up well is a bit of an understatement. It currently resides in the plush eastern portion of Eden which, admittedly, can be difficult to find. And even if you were to discover it you’d have to get past the invisible angels wielding flaming swords if you wanted to get a taste of its fruit.

So until the angels are taken out it looks like the ToL (as it’s known in horticulture circles) is secure enough.

Happy Ending: Hugh will NOT stop eating it, so the tree gradually gets fed up and finally decides to hurl the ship into the waiting arms of the Xibalba nebula, but instead of killing him his body is instead exploded and used as ethereal fertilizer to regenerate the dead tree.

17. Havin’ a Vine Time

Exterior: Ropey little evil talkative vines.

Interior: An intense hatred of young American tourists.

The Film: The Ruins (2008)

Leafy Truths: These things are particularly nasty, especially since they reside atop an ancient Mayan temple. They have the ability to mimic sounds (in some cases voices), which they use to lure potential lunch into their ripping clutches. Also have the knack of getting under your skin and hating from within.

Root of Evil: Unknown, but probably the result of some ancient ritual gone bad, which may explain how Jena Malone became the headliner.

Gardening Tips: The film says that salt can keep these groping bastards at bay, but I suspect fire, ice and dynamite would also do the trick. Of course, if those were used it would likely destroy the temple, and the last thing you would want on your hands after doing battle with murderous vines is to have the spirits of ancient Mayan sorcerers coming after you.

Another satisfied Tree-Mobile user.

Its Place in Plantdom: These things have nothing to worry about, they’re already classic villains. They can crawl up under the skin and rip apart, they explode through eyeballs, and they rip victims in two! What’s not to like? Their motives are purely survival related, as all they want to do is eat. People. While some may discount the movie for whatever reason, the creatures are violent and great and deserve their place on the list.

“Why are you looking at me as if a horse is mimicking my every gesture?”

Happy Ending: The vines win. As Jena Malone tries to drive away from the carnage, she feels the vines crawling under the skin of her face, about to rupture her eyes.