I had the good fortune to miss Napoleon Dynamite when it first came out; the hype and the backlash canceled each other out for me and I was able to enjoy the film as a completely disposable piece of shit. And that would have been all well and good if pretty much everybody from the movie had just faded back away into obscurity.

But we can’t get rid of Jon Heder. While I’m sure that Heder is the nicest guy ever (he’s apparently an ultra-straight Mormon*), he’s like cinematic crib death – every movie he’s been in since Napoleon Dynamite has been a guaranteed rotting stinker from the start.

Now he’s got a new starring role in an adaptation of the comedic science fiction novel Buddy Holly is Alive and Well on Ganymede. I’ve never read the Bradley Denton novel, but here’s the Variety synopsis: Heder will play Oliver Vale, an average geek whose uneventful life changes when Buddy Holly turns up on every TV channel and declares that Vale is the only one who understands why this is happening — which causes Vale to be pursued by a mob of disguised aliens.

Maybe the book is great and maybe the script, written by director Robert Rugan, is awesome, but it’s still going to star Jon Heder. Start picking out coffins, boys.

* do you think that Mormons are glad Scientologists came along and made them the #2 craziest religion?