I wish I could start this piece out by spotlighting the early golden years of Jimmy Fallon’s career. You’d figure for a guy that inspires such disdain, there’s gotta be something good he did that made people care in the first place before he became the easiest pop culture punchline this side of Dane Cook. But damnit, I’m stumped. He had an unremarkable run on SNL. He’s made unremarkable movies. I think an unremarkable album or two slipped out from the lad somewhere in the interim. I don’t think he’s that bad (just garden-variety bad, really), but he’s sure as shit not good enough to get the amount of work he gets. Apparently, he’s been lonely lately, so his agent took the liberty of setting up a playdate with lots of other mediocre-to-bad actors in a family-themed drama that will, at the very least, keep these losers from stinking up other films for a month or two.
Their destination: Rocket, the story of a mid-30s guy (Fallon) who has trouble-heh-committing to his girlfriend-ha ha-due to family issues-snicker-stemming from a bad relationship with his-teehee-unhappily married father (How did I make it through that sentence without cracking up completely? Seriously, HOW?!). Somehow, they managed to entice Tom Arnold for the father role (I understand unfettered access to craft services factored heavily in his decision), and Lucy Liu, Sharon Stone, and Illeana Douglas are all onboard too. Fallon’s actually reuniting here with the producers of his last theatrical film, Factory Girl. There’s no studio in place or anything that official, but this’ll see the light of day all too soon. I would guess this baby won’t be stinking up too many theaters, but I thought much the same of last year’s similarly ensembled-up Bobby, and it not only ran for a few months but also had the nerve to vie for Oscar attention. One can only hope the same sort of delusions plague the engineers of this farce. I’ll chip in on the "For Your Consideration" trade ads, even…