It’s Monday… and news at this very moment in time is S-L-O-W. What does that mean for you exactly? A news item about a film starring a "divalike dog" that’s what! Chew on that for a second… Now pray to God that Dave or Devin get you better news today.

Bree Turner — whom some of you might recognize from the Kirsten Dunst-less DTV sequel Bring It On Again, the penis-imploding Sorority Boys, and MTV’s soap opera for the tween set Undressed — has now signed up to star in Firehouse Dog. That title alone should burst about a million images of canine hilarity into your cerebrum. But wait, here’s the synopsis: "The story follows Rexxx, Hollywood’s most in-demand canine star. After getting lost, the divalike dog is adopted by a down-on-its-luck firehouse. Turner will play Liz Knowles, a commercial producer who works with Rexxx before he goes missing."

I really hope they digitally manipulate the dog into doing some crazy and kooky things, ala the baby from Son of the Mask. That would like totally rock and be laugh-out-loud hilarious. Right? Right?!

Rounding out the rest of the cast is Bruce (I, Robot) Greenwood, Dash (The Day After Tomorrow) Mihok, Steven (Desperate Housewives) Culp, and Josh (Zathura) Hutherson. Television director Todd Holland is directing from a first-time script by Claire-Dee Lim.

Report terrible news items on our message boards!