For years now,
there’s been talk, talk, and more talk of a Voltron movie, and that’s
mostly lead to…just more talk, whether it be rumors that Pharrell from the
Neptunes had been tapped to score it or people who refuse – to this day – to
let go of the idea that Cloverfield/1-18-08 is the Voltron
flick. Well, you can officially let go because the one that’s been lurking all
these years has apparently found a black lion to form with and has emerged
whole with the New Regency production banner, which is set up at Fox.
The deal is still
closing, but it looks like a lock, and that’s due in no small part to the
opening weekend of Transformers. Hell, if I had the options to the fucking Shogun
Warriors, I’d be setting up meetings all over town right now. Anyhoo, this
Voltron movie will somehow put a more “realistic” take on the property, involving
apocalypse survivors here on Earth who find the five robot lions and learn to
pilot them to battle alien adversaries. But I say shit on that. It’s Voltron
fighting Robeasts. Let’s not put lipstick on a pig, people.
Personally, I wasn’t
that big into the show. The transformation/robots-coming-together sequence
seemed to take up a third of any given episode, and it was boring to watch the
Robeast-of-the-week stand still as Voltron flew off a light-year or two to form
Blazing Sword and then return to see said Robeast waiting to be split down the
middle. I mean, why waste time on that when you could follow the Robotech
soap opera? People frickin’ died on that shit. It meant something, damnit.
Er, anyway…the
script is by Justin Marks, the screenwriter behind the new Alvin and the Chipmunks
flick, as well as the new He-Man movie and the Supermax
film. I’d normally protest given the relative lameness of his upcoming slate (He’s
also doing Eddie Murphy’s Starship Dave), but I just realized
that none of this guy’s many, many scripts in production have actually made it
into theaters yet. Is it likely that this will be a lame film that makes Robot
Jox look like The Magnificent Ambersons? Sure.
But who had any
money on Michael Bay coming off The Island with a low-wattage cast
to rock the hell out this summer with Transformers?