Having socks that don’t match is one of those mildly annoying non-entities in our lives that shouldn’t really be given a second thought, but are easily avoided. You go through your socks each day and waste precious seconds looking for a matching pair. “Oh fuck a duck in it’s greasy asshole, this sock is off-white!” Then you pull out all your hair while socking your wife in the jaw or kicking your next of kin with a sockless foot. I know I do.

Then next thing you know, you’re dead. Finito. It’s all over, and you’ve wasted something like 43 total hours of your life trying to find matching pairs of socks. Good one! You could have been playing catch with your son, or watching reality TV all that time. These little things add up, people.

Running low on matching socks? Don’t buy another plastic packet from the sock department of your local family-owned Wal-Mart… buy TEN! Then throw out your hole-riddled socks and give the rest to Goodwill. They’ll never, ever match otherwise, and you’ll help the struggling economy.

Some people say bad socks are better than no socks at all. I tend to disagree.