Now, I’ve seen Dario Argento’s recent movies, which have left me with very little faith in the man as a filmmaker. So why do I get that old tingling
excitement when I read that Vincent Gallo is going to play the killer in
Giallo, Argento’s hopefully not quite so on the nose homage to the genre he
helped create? Does this mean I’ll finally have a movie that can sit alongside Michael Moore’s Self-Aggrandizement, Woody Allen’s Nebbish and Shawn Levy’s confessional Suck?

Though the more I think about it, even with Gallo on
board I really can’t figure this out. Nearly every movie Argento has made in the last fifteen years is
arguably an homage to Giallo, the Italian thriller that has extended murder sequences, stylized camerawork, overbearing music and nudity where the logic and storytelling should be.

So why create a direct homage, as Variety calls it, and at what point is an actual genre entry distinguishable from an homage to the genre itself? If Argento was still great, I could see some massively narcissistic instinct leading to the urge to give himself a two-hour cinematic pat on the back. But he’s not, and while that doesn’t rule out the narcissism (probably makes it more likely) I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch.

The premise,
wherein a series of female slashing murder victims are investigated by a lone
cop who engages in a cat and mouse game with the killer, certainly doesn’t
deviate from Argento’s basic pattern. Ray Liotta will be the cop, hopefully
washing away Uwe Boll’s stink, and Asia Argento has shockingly been cast,
probably as the next hot victim.

Reading that, you might be tempted to think this is
Argento’s Scary Movie. Having seen The Card Player and Mother of Tears, to
me it sounds a lot more like his Scary Movie 3. But then the Gallo factor kicks
in and I get a little bit of hope. With him on board, this might just be a documentary. Though maybe he’s just angling for some
dirty sex with Asia.

Shooting is planned to begin in Turin next month.