THE CROP REPORT – 2/12/08 (THIS SIDE OF THE TRUTH)
February 11, 2008
TOMEI TWISTS FOR ARONOFSKY
February 12, 2008

Cunning Linguist: 20 Questions From An Angry Irishman

1. Is it possible to exile Arianna Huffington and Ann Coulter on a deserted island together? With nothing but Medieval weaponry?

2. What if Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull (ouch, my hand is cramping) turns out to be a halfway decent Indy flick? Will the internet movie community implode within itself?

3. Does anyone actually believe Roger Clemens?

4. Do people on movie websites actually even like movies anymore?

5. Why can’t I type “Eli Manning, Super Bowl MVP” without feeling like I’ve stepped through a wormhole into some ungodly Bizzaro World?

6. Winter is here in the Southeast. Why can’t it stay like this year-round instead of heaping oppressive heat, humidity and foul air upon us for half of the year?

5. Why can’t anyone admit to liking the new Rambo movie without a disclaimer? 8. Why are we still driving vehicles with 19th Century technology? (Yes, I know the political answer to that question, but it still must be asked).

9. Who invented this “Make it rain!” phenomenon? And can you please kill yourself?

10. Do any of Mike Huckabee’s political supporters possess an IQ higher than that of a salad bar?

11. Why the fuck, in 2008, is it still taboo and illegal to sell/purchase alcohol on Sunday in many States?

12. Why is Heath Ledger gone yet [enter shitstack celebrity here] still lives?

13. How is it possible that out of 200+ cable television channels only 3 or 4 seem to consistently run anything worth watching?

14. Would it really be so wrong to take out sexual predators as a violent vigilante?

15. Why is the South still so damn myopic in 2008?

16. When will humans stop paying attention to or (worse) buying Celebrity tabloid bullshit?

17. Why do Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Paramount hate humanity so much?

18. NASCAR. Why?

19. Who is gonna party like me when The Rapture takes all of the Fundamentalists away?

20. How do Hip Hoppers and Rednecks look at themselves in the mirror with any sense of pride?

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