Movie News

We could simply cut and paste stories from Variety, but we don’t. We’re too amazing for that. We RETYPE articles from Variety…

THEY FOUND SOME TALENT

The days of studios throwing mad sums of money at every comic that comes along may be fading away, but when you’ve got a hot property on your hands like our boys at Boom!, the moviemakers sit up and take notice. Then write a nice check. Universal has wrapped their fingers around Boom!’s new book … Continue reading

PREPARING TO HITCH

Rogue Pictures has announced the official start of production on their remake of the cult thriller The Hitcher, and while they’re at it have plunked in the third member of the cast to be terrorized by the homicidal drifter: TV regular Zachary Knighton, also of The Prince & Me. The update (from Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes … Continue reading

TEASEFORMERS

Michael Bay’s well-cast battle between Autobots and Decepticons hammers audiences with glorious rapid-editing next summer, and we’re finally catching glimpses of what to expect. I assume the gargantuan cybernetic eye in the new Transformers teaser poster is not to scale (even Orson Welles’ electronic ass wasn’t that big), but it certainly does give a somewhat … Continue reading

24 INTO 2 = MOVIE

After watching (or fast-forwarding through) five seasons now, I’ve determined that the TV show 24 is a complete and utter failure at being an effective suspense-action-drama. It is, however, the greatest sitcom on television. If the show wasn’t so hilariously and unintentionally retarded, it’d be downright unwatchable — I’ve laughed myself nauseous at the preposterous "twists". Internal strife … Continue reading

BATTLE ROYALE WITH CHEESE

New Line has made the “brave” decision to remake the notoriously brutal Japanese film Battle Royale, giving it the diluted Hollywood treatment. The new version is being put together by maker of noisy “entertainment” Neal Moritz and Asian remake master Roy Lee. The futuristic flick (the last finished film of Kinji Fukasaku) starred “Beat” Takeshi … Continue reading

MR. KOTTER VS WERNER HERZOG

Zak Penn is getting back in the director’s chair for a follow-up to his brilliant mockumentary, Incident at Loch Ness. This time the subject is poker, and the movie is called The Grand; once again the film will be improvisational, with a cast of terrific actors playing real poker games. The story is about an … Continue reading

TRAILER: THE WICKER MAN

The guy who built his career on black comedy-dramas about human relationships may not seem like a prime candidate to remake a genuinely bizarre 70s horror flick, but Neil LaBute’s update of The Wicker Man looks pretty intriguing. The movie features Nic Cage (channeling The Dead Zone Walken, or at least his hair) as a … Continue reading

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD STAPLERS

The Coen Bros’ next movie promises to be a break from their recent output and actually be good – it’s an adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s recent novel No Country for Old Men, a modern day Western. Here’s the plot, courtesy of Publishers Weekly: In 1980 southwest Texas, Llewelyn Moss, hunting antelope near the Rio Grande, … Continue reading

ALBA > LOHAN

I’ll jump on any opportunity to mention my infatuation with Jessica Alba’s impossible posterior, and she’s been kind enough lately to present that very opening (while I can only offer photos of her doing such). The heavenly slice has joined the indie comedy Bill, which already has a pretty terrific cast that includes Aaron Eckhart, Timothy … Continue reading