Movie News

We could simply cut and paste stories from Variety, but we don’t. We’re too amazing for that. We RETYPE articles from Variety…

DUNST GETS PEGGED

Now that she’s broken free of the Spider-Man franchise, Kirstin Dunst is free to alienate fans of other works. (I have to say that the fanboy vendetta against Dunst still has me vaguely mystified.) Ironically, one of her first new career steps will be an adaptation of How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, by … Continue reading

ZACH BRAFF SCRUBS OUT OF FLETCH

Fletch Won, the Fletch prequel that Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence is working on, won’t be starring his beloved Dr. Dorian – Zach Braff has dropped out of the project. "Zach is writing and directing his own film [Open Hearts] at Paramount," Lawrence told TV Guide. "I’m very happy for him. We were looking forward to … Continue reading

BATES DOES YATES

In the late 50s, novelist Richard Yates wasn’t liking what he was seeing- a lack of revolutionary spirit replaced with a general quest for the perceived security resting behind white picket fences, track housing and Congressional hearings. At the very least, his observations sound familiar in a time when an American public seems less concerned … Continue reading

NATIONAL LAMPOON SUCKS

I remember during the Behind the Music episode on Metallica, they look at the auditions for a bass player after Cliff Burton died in 1986. Naturally, everyone imaginable showed up to try and land the prestigious gig including their fellow Bay Area musician Les Claypool. Unfortunately for Claypool, his audition was depp-sixed when he asked … Continue reading

TONY KAYE’S IN THE PENITENTIARY

When Tony Kaye first burst on the scene with his feature debut, American History X, he seemed to be poised for big things. Thanks to Edward Norton’s virtuoso performance, there was a lot of good buzz around the film, and Kaye benefited by association. But suddenly, Kaye Terence Trent D’Arby-ed himself right into director jail … Continue reading

DECAPITATED BODIES ACROSS THE GLOBE

Last week I told you that the MPAA had ordered Magnolia to change the website for the upcoming horror comedy Severance because a comedic image of a neck stump spurting blood was considered too extreme for the Internet. By the way, the Internet is where I saw the Mr. Hands video – you know, the … Continue reading

NICK FROST VERSUS AMERICAN PLUMBING

When Nick Frost celebrates his birthday, hotel toilets are put to the test. Deport this man now before we’re neck deep in backed-up torte. The floating cigarette butt in the second video is a classy touch. For more of the same… go see Hot Fuzz in theaters now?

TANGLED UP IN POO

This headline is completely misleading. Unlike nearly everyone I know, I rather enjoyed Scott Smith’s The Ruins, the incredibly bleak follow-up novel to his equally bleak A Simple Plan. Though the book doesn’t quite do "for vacations in Mexico what Jaws did for beach weekends on Long Island" as Stephen King logrolling-ly claimed, it is … Continue reading

GREED IS TRAGIC

Though I personally get a kick out of driving easily flippable SUVs, it’s my understanding that most of the country would rather keep all four wheels fixed firmly to the road*. One such person is Donna Bailey, a single mother who was nearly killed when her Ford Explorer rolled as a result of a design … Continue reading