Movie News

We could simply cut and paste stories from Variety, but we don’t. We’re too amazing for that. We RETYPE articles from Variety…

THE DARK BACKS UP

From the looks of the below-embedded trailer, 20th Century Fox’s The Dark is Rising will mark the studio’s second failed attempt to launch a fantasy franchise in as many years. As with Eragon, the culprit is a dearth of genuine enthusiasm for the material; this is yet another "all-ages" picture more interested in hitting quadrants … Continue reading

DELLAMORTE DOES BO 7/13/07

So, in most ways, this is the last major week of summer. Though I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Simpsons Movie and Rush Hour 3 should all do over $100 and then some (and possibly Super Bad as well), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is the final … Continue reading

ANNA FARIS CATCHES A MCPHEEVER

Since one of my friends is an idiot who watches more television than Billy Baldwin in Sliver ("Get a life!"), I got hooked on American Idol during the 2005 season, which boasted what may have been the most talented class of finalists in the show’s history. Of course, the winner was some prematurely graying jackass … Continue reading

YEARS AND MILEAGE BE DAMNED, INDY IS BACK

For today and maybe today only, I’m going to stow the negative attitude and say something nice about Indiana Jones 4: it’s pretty goddamn cool to see the world’s toughest professor shooting us the ol’ constipated glare for the first time in eighteen years. And while I don’t know for sure what’s got his attention … Continue reading

MEET SUSIE SALMON

Peter Jackson’s casting on The Lovely Bones has been note perfect thus far (what with Rachel Weisz and Ryan Gosling snagging the crucial parental roles), so I’m going to trust him on thirteen-year-old Ms. Saoirse Ronan as Susie Salmon (and we’ll be seeing Ronan very soon as the daughter of Michelle Pfeiffer in Amy Heckerling’s … Continue reading

A DOOMSDAY POKE

I’ve got Neil(l) on the brain today. First up was Neill Blompkamp- the Halo director who never was (but might yet be), thrust back into consciousness thanks to Microsoft’s E3 live-action Halo 3 trailer Arms Race (view it here). A few short hours later, I’m thinking about the other Neil (Marshall of Dog Soldiers and … Continue reading

THE PASSION OF THE PRE-JESUSES

The fellow above isn’t pissed because Madmartigan escaped again but because he’s one of many human beings in a world before Christianity and broadband internet access. I’d be angry too. Imagine downloading an episode of Dexter at 14.4 baud or worse yet, while being raped by folks with jutting foreheads. That is life twelve thousand … Continue reading

HE’S A STAID AND FORMULAIC GUY!

That it’s become cliche to lament the passing of Steve Martin’s credibility leaves me with no option but to curse one of my comedy heroes for hatching an uninspired spy thriller premise that, on its face, wouldn’t pass muster as a made-for-cable movie. If you’re so goddamned determined to wreck movies, Steve, could you at … Continue reading

EXCLUSIVE CLIP: CASHBACK

Note to publicists: this extremely NSFW clip from Cashback shall be considered the gold standard for CHUD-linked promotional materials henceforth. If you cannot favor us with this much gratuitous nudity, please don’t bother. Important: this does not apply to Calendar Girls II: Gravity’s Sorrow. If this clip triggers a glimmer of recognition, it’s probably because … Continue reading