Movie News

We could simply cut and paste stories from Variety, but we don’t. We’re too amazing for that. We RETYPE articles from Variety…

I’M NOT THAT INTO AFFLECK, EITHER

Ah, pay cable. The great equalizer. Sure, it takes a certain something special to get a major studio to finance your film, then like it enough to release it with lots of prints and advertising. But suppose you got a film fulla stars and you still ain’t got that magic? There’s still no reason to … Continue reading

IT’S A WAR ZONE OUT THERE

The next Punisher movie has a title, and it’s not the previously bandied about The Punisher: Welcome Back, Frank (as awful a movie title as I could imagine); the new film will be called The Punisher: War Zone, which will be familiar to all Marvel Comics fans who were reading in the 90s. I find … Continue reading

BUT WILL IT STAR KAT VON D?

Zack Snyder has a list and is ticking off projects guaranteed to get people up in arms. Remake the greatest zombie film ever? Check. Piss off the entire nation of Iran? Check. Tackle the pinnacle of comic books? Check. Now he’s going after none other than Mr. Ray Bradbury… well, okay, maybe Bradbury isn’t quite … Continue reading

THE CROP REPORT – 8/29/07 (VOLTRON)

The Crop: Voltron The Studio/Production Company: 20th Century Fox/New Regency The Director: Agnes Varda (Unconfirmed) The Writer: Justin Marks The Actors: Bruce Dern, Stacy Keach, Robert Mitchum, Martin Sheen and Paul Sorvino (Also Unconfirmed) The Premise: Five years after the Robeast apocalypse, the fate of the Earth, nay the entire universe, rests on the shoulders … Continue reading

OWEN WILSON WILL NOT BRING THE THUNDER

In an announcement that shocked absolutely no one, it’s been revealed that Owen Wilson has dropped out of Tropic Thunder. In case you’ve been using your internet for important things, like following the Gonzalez resignation or the US Government’s latest attempts to spark a war with Iran, Wilson tried to do himself in over the … Continue reading

FROM IRON MAN TO HOMELESS MAN

Hollywood has a message for you: that man laying on the sidewalk, the one wearing pants caked in his own shit, he could be a genius. He could be a wounded soul who has been beaten down by the world but who has vast stores of wisdom and knowledge and plain old horse sense to … Continue reading

LUCAS AND RIDLEY TEAM FOR RED TAILS!

I dood it! It’s only fair to cocktease y’all on this one, because when I saw the headline at Variety, I (very briefly) got excited over the idea of Ridley Scott directing Red Tails. But then the whole "taps Ridley to write" thing took hold, and I realized it was John Ridley of Undercover Brother … Continue reading

OLIVER STONE’S BACK IN THE SHIT

The liberal conscience of cinema in the 1980s is ready to reconsider the war that defined his art. And while Oliver Stone completed his unofficial Vietnam trilogy back in 1993 with the largely unheralded Heaven and Earth, I’ve no problem with the director returning to the conflict for further inspiration; after all, he served and … Continue reading