Since I started grad school a couple of weeks ago I haven’t been keeping up with world or local events. Not that I keep up on things normally, I mean, most of my information comes from such revered periodicals as Alcoholics Monthly and Geriatric Bed-Sores Quarterly. Compounding my limited knowledge is the fact that I … Continue reading
My relationship with Hollywood has always been very love/hate, but recently it’s been more strained than usual. I’m upset by many topics that fuel most people’s hatred of the business, but I just can’t shake it at the moment and, thus, need to vent. I’m hoping some of you will chime in and let me … Continue reading
In keeping with my nostalgic and obsessive-compulsive moods I’m looking back on many of my childhood favorite cartoons, most of which I haven’t seen since I was a child. I’m trying to avoid needless nostalgia and look at these shows as objectively and honestly as I can. At the same time, these aren’t meant as … Continue reading
Freshly out on DVD: The short-lived 2000-2001 television series TV Funhouse. This isn’t the Saturday Night Live episode that was released a while back collecting a bunch of the best SNL TV Funhouse cartoons, although that was great. I’m talking about the eight-episode run of completely insane genius that played on Comedy Central … Continue reading
To gush about how “Goldfinger” is the greatest Bond film ever (which it isn’t) and how it set the formula and standard for subsequent Bond films has been done to death. So, I want to specifically focus here on things that are wrong with the movie. Don’t misinterpret this as me saying I hate the … Continue reading
When I was a kid I wanted to have sex with women, but most of them wouldn’t let me. I thought, “Man, I wish I could skip all this growing up shit and get right to the screwing and cocaine.” To pass the time, I put all my fantasies on paper and wrote the screenplay … Continue reading
Word on the street is that Darren Aronofsky’s latest film, The Wrestler, is screening at the Toronto Film Festival in the impending future. Let me explain why this worries me. First, it’s a film about a wrestler. Starring Mickey Rourke. Before the fanboy rage spews forth faster than you can say “George Lucas raped my … Continue reading
A Nice Hard Slap – Why Tropic Thunder will win the weekend. Retards cannot drive themselves to the theater. That’s one extra sale! Retard Math tells us this:Retard + Chaperone = Two Tickets I think that’s all it needs to get over the hump. The movie is terrific, which doesn’t hurt. It also handles the … Continue reading
I have a friend who likes Julia Stiles. She said, and I quote “When I was 12, I read this interview with her in some dumb magazine. And she just seemed really nice. Someone I would like to be friends with. Perhaps go on a picnic.” I’m pretty sure she’s the only person in America who likes Julia … Continue reading
Oh good. He won. Here’s the thing. I woke up this morning to hear the news that Evo Morales had won his latest farce of an election with 61 percent of the vote. And all of you out there are asking what the fuck I’m talking about and why should you care. You shouldn’t, but … Continue reading