David Wagner

Mental Masturbation: My Aching Ass

I am actually paying someone to cause me great pain and suffering. I never thought of myself as a masochist, until now. I hired a personal trainer. I have always scoffed when I have heard of people hiring a personal trainer, but after my first couple of sessions I understand why. I’m certainly not incapable … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (3.29.08)

Those that are close to me and read this blog know that my life has been, how should I say this, insane of late. Work keeps me hopping during the daylight hours and my personal life tends to keep me up all night as well. This has created a semi-constant state of sleep deprivation. Confusion, … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (3.22.08)

Why is it that Republicans don’t set themselves on fire for causes they believe in? I was working on my Dad’s lawnmower today and while changing the fuel filter I happened to get a dose of gasoline all over my arms. While joking about having a quick smoke and getting back to work it occurred … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (3.12.08)

Euthanize me. Some of you that read me regularly just got erections at that thought. I just had a discussion with a friend that is struggling with the decision to euthanize her dog. Her labrador retriever is well over ten years old and has reached the point where he is no longer able to enjoy … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (2.29.08)

I was going to let Devin’s blog complaining about cigars smokers go with out comment, but I can’t. He really should have credited George Carlin for his bit. Maybe I can explain what smoking cigars is about since he obviously has no clue. It’s about taste. This is something that has obviously escaped him. Cigars … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (2.27.08)

I’m writing to you from the fabulous Hampton Inn & Suites in Springfield, Missouri. If you are looking for a place where you can sit at a bar, drink an Absolut and Soda and watch the Antiques Road Show, then this is it. This is college basketball season, isn’t it? The NBA is playing still, … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (2.24.08)

Do you ever have people tell you what it is you “need?” For instance, you are out with your friends and one of them says “you just need some time” or “you need to find a way to make it work”. I unfortunately find myself in one of those times where I hear that from … Continue reading

Mental Masturbation: (2.21.08)

I am annoyed. I am aggravated. One of the most annoying things about the internet is that everyone can choose a name to hide behind. For instance on yesterday’s blog there are two comments one from Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx, the other from Andrew “Dice” Clay. While I would be flattered to have celebrity … Continue reading