TIDBITS OF TERROR – 05/17/12

Due to various reasons, it has taken me quite awhile to get this entry to you.  As a result of this, I’ve got a big one for you.  Yeah, I know.  That’s what she said.

• It has been confirmed that Sam Raimi will NOT be directing the previously announced Poltergeist remake.  Calm down folks, he’s just producing.  Given how hands off he generally seems to be when in that role, I’m withholding any judgment on this redo until a director is announced.

• The Aja-produced remake of Maniac, from director Franck Khalfoun (P2), will have its premiere among the midnight screenings at the Cannes Film Festival this year.  Elijah Wood stars in the title role.  I’m really looking forward to hearing some feedback from the premiere.

• Wrong Turn 5 has almost completed shooting in Bulgaria and apparently counts Doug Bradley among its cast.  As previously reported, Declan O’Brien is helming his third installment in a row on this franchise.  I loved the first two, but hated the third.  I’ve been told the fourth was a sizable improvement though, so it looks like I might have to give it (and this one) a chance at some point.  If I’m not happy, I’m holding you responsible, Rene!

• Both Kane Hodder and Danielle Harris are officially returning for Hatchet 3.  Series creator Adam Green is not directing this entry, but is still on board to write and produce it.  B.J. McDonnell will be occupying the director’s chair this time out.  The film will pick up where the previous entry left off.  I’m assuming this isn’t intended as a series capper, since Green has previously geeked about about the possibility of taking his would-be slasher icon Victor Crowley to space in a fourth installment.  I thought the first was a lot of fun, but was overall lukewarm about the second.  Let’s hope McDonnell can liven things up a bit.  Production is set to begin soon for a 2013 release.

• Dynamic Forces and Warner Bros. are teaming to bring you a collection of toasters that will imprint the faces of some of your favorite characters on your bread of choice.  Properties included in this line of culinary zaniness are Friday The 13th, Gremlins, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Little Shop of Horrors, The Goonies, Watchmen, Friends, A Christmas Story, and Where The Wild Things Are.
  

  “How sweet…whole wheat!”

• Oh look, the wonderful geniuses at Dimension Films and Blumhouse Productions thought it was a good idea to let Scott Stewart direct another film!  And who wouldn’t?  After all, Legion and Priest are so wonderful!  Said film is a supernatural thriller called Dark Skies.  The plot is being kept under wraps at this time.  As if we cared, given who is directing.  Stewart gets to keep directing while other more worthy genre directors (Neil Marshall!) have a horrible time getting projects off the ground.  Fuck you, Hollywood!  Stop crying, Mike.  It will be okay.  I think.

• Stephen King’s Eyes of the Dragon is in-development as a potential on-going series over at SyFy Channel.  Apparently they want to make it their own Games of Thrones-esque program.  In concept, that’s awesome and is perfectly doable.  In execution…yeah.  When have they ever produced quality on a regular basis?  I’m going to hope for the best, but expect a piece of shit.

• A remake of Who Can Kill A Child? has been made.  It’s an overseas production starring Vinessa Shaw and is titled Child’s Play.  What genius approved that title change?

• Daniel Farrands & Thommy Hudson (Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy) are taking another crack at a retrospective documentary on the Friday The 13th franchise.  Production began on Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th earlier this year.  Yep, it’s a documentary meant to compliment the existing book!  A late 2012 release is the goal.  Thank God!  I’ve loved the recent franchise docs for Halloween, Scream, Return of the Living Dead, and the aforementioned A Nightmare On Elm Street.  The previous F13 doc, His Name Was Jason, left a lot to be desired.  I was afraid we’d be stuck with that one for years to come.  I’m glad I was wrong.

• Grave Encounters 2 is currently in pre-production with its eye on a Halloween 2012 release.  The directors of the original, The Vicious Brothers, will only be writing and producing the sequel.  John Poloquin will be filling in as helmer.  The follow-up revolves around a group of film students who break into the hospital from the first film to do their own investigation…only to find out that the events that occurred in Grave Encounters were real.  The original is an effective little horror film, so I’m looking forward to this.

• Speaking of haunted locales, Hammer Films have been authorized to craft a film about The Winchester House.

• Disney has acquired the rights to Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book.  Henry Selick (Nightmare Before Christmas, Coraline) has been lined up to direct it as his follow-up to his still “top secret” Pixar project.  Sounds like a perfect match to me!

Yes, I actually AM looking forward to the sequel to The Collector.

• Jim Mickle’s remake of We Are What We Are has landed a cast.  Riley Keough, Julia Garner, Bill Sage, and Wyatt “Son of Kurt” Russell have all joined the project.  Production begins this month.

• It seems that Paramount might be taking a cue from the Japanese and rebooting The Ring franchise with a found footage film in the near future.  Given what their current flagship horror franchise is, Paranormal Activity, this doesn’t as much of a shock.  Japan’s own reboot, Sadako 3D, hits screens overseas this month.

• Guillermo Del Toro is producing The Bloody Benders, based on the famed 19th century killers.  Production is looking to get going later in the year, so expect a director to be chosen soon.

• Xavier Gens (Frontiers, The Divide) is coming on board to help produce the slate of grindhouse films that Michael Biehn will be producing and starring in that I mentioned awhile back.  It seems The Farm will likely be the first of the bunch to get made.  No word on whether Gens or Biehn will actually be directing any of these themselves, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

• Ethan Hawke is re-teaming with The Spierig Brothers (Daybreakers) for Predestination.  The film “chronicles the life of a Temporal Agent sent on an intricate series of time-travel journeys designed to ensure the continuation of his law enforcement career for all eternity.  Now, on his final assignment, the Agent must recruit his younger self while pursuing the one criminal that has eluded him throughout time.”  It will shoot in Australia sometime early next year.

• Takashi Shimizu’s 7500 has been postponed from its original August release date.  It will now bow sometime in 2013.

• Richard Stanley and Nacho Cerda will be teaming on an adaptation of the comic I Am Legion.  The former will write, while the latter directs.  It’s a WW2 tale involving Nazis, demons, and possession.  Sounds like fun!

• Greg McLean will be directing Kill Me Three Times before lensing Wolf Creek 2.  The film revolves around three murders that occur in an Aussie surfing town and the woman that is connected to them.  I guess the postponement of the latter explains John Jarrett’s recent addition to the Django Unchained cast.

• A slew of projects are being presented at the Fantasia International Film Festival to secure financing.  Among them are Bruce McDonald’s Pontypool Changes, Stuart Gordon’s Purgatory, and an adaptation of Brian Keene’s Dark Hollow.  Also on deck is a feature-length version of The ABCs of Death submission “T Is For Turbo”, which will be going under the title Turbo Kid.  Jason Eisener is producing that particular selection.

• For those who don’t know already, CW has renewed both Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries for new seasons.  “Hurray!” on the former and “Who gives a shit?” on the latter.  It seems they’ve cancelled most of the rest of their genre programming, although I’m sure they have plenty of replacements on the way.

• Taylor Lautner has been given a second shot at becoming an action star.  HAHAHAHA.  Sorry.  He will be starring in the thriller Tracers as a bike messenger named Cam who is in debt to an organized crime syndicate.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Apologies, I’m trying to restrain myself.  Cam will apparently be seduced by a sexy stranger who lures him into the mysterious world of parkour.  HAHAHAHAH (We are sorry to inform you that Mr. Baldwin is no longer with us.  It seems he passed away due to a laughter-induced aneurysm while attempting to bring you this article.  Luckily for you, our readers, we recently backed up our entire staff with Life-Model Decoys.  Daniel’s should be up and running within the hour.  Thank you for your patience.)

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Source | STYD, Bloody-Disgusting, Dread Central