The Lord God, who goes by the professional name Yaweh, reached down from the heavens Wednesday and smote Rob Schneider, giving the “comedian” a serious warning to cut it the fuck out with all the shitty movies already.
The smoting occurred on the set of Big Stan, on which Schneider is making his directorial debut. In the film ratlike Rob plays Big Stan, a con man who gets sent to prison and learns kung fu to protect himself. Sounds scintillating.
Schneider’s people are denying the role of God in the on-set smoting, claiming that the grotesque mockery of a human being collapsed due to food poisoning and heat stroke. They did confirm that Schneider, insipid cockgoblin that he is, has returned to directing Big Stan, undeterred by Yaweh aka Big Sky Daddy’s ultimatum.
The Lord God was unavailable for comment, but his spooksman, The Holy Ghost, did say to remember what he was like in The Old Testament, when he was “keeping it real.”