What
follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle your fancy.
1. The Street Team is DIVERSE!
Have you ever been driving and wondering where the fuck on Earth you can go to find out if you’re a distant relative of Elmore Leonard? Or, did you totally ejaculate in that girl from Human Resources and notice a little extra bulge in her midsection of late, or worse yet, did you hold her hair while pregnancy barf flew outta her lips? What about jumping out of a perfectly sound aircraft? Ever wanted to see what your extra folds looked like falling at 200mph? Thank you Jesus for the arbitrary stickers left behind by the street teams, eh?
Here’s some other stickers I want to see lying around in town:
1. Frost Giant Removal – 1-800-ICY-GONE.
2. TI-99 Repairs – 1-900-GOTO-10.
3. NEED HOMOPHOBIA? – www.fagbash.org.
4. Free Birdbath Quotes – 678-522-8206.
2. WARNING: FROSTY SNATCH AHEAD!
If ever there was a place where a nearby sniper’s roost would come in handy…
3. Tits The Sale of The Summer!
Every night’s a Bra Event when you run a movie website, but there’s rarely signage. A fucking Bra Event. It’s a sale. A sale that involves titty cushions, but there’s something about “Bra Event” that cheapens the whole thing. Like when a car dealership is trying to unload old stock they have an “Event”. Anything involving breasts is an event, but come on…
4. Not a Photo of Devin Faraci.
I saw this at the local bookstore, and about 200,000 of my most proficient sperms died. I don’t mind if folks want to have a pair of Crocs and wear them in the garden as they work, or when they’re cleaning the garage. Or if they’re a kid. But if you are a grown man and are wearing these cocksuckers in public with socks you probably ought to be bent over the inferno and be given fifty loin lashings by someone with issues. It doesn’t help that the couple in question took up a healthy percentage of the aisle space, but it’s just wrong as dick. Also, look at his color choice for his shoes. Caligula wept…
5. Gabriel, You May Piss…
I wasn’t around to see the injustices dealt upon people of color, what with their segregated bathrooms and other assorted bad things, but I now realize that religious segregation continues to evolve in ways that perturb and create fear in me. An ANGELS ONLY bathroom? Really? I guess I’ll just take a shiss right here then.
6. Ram This Man.
I simply love when people become so tied to their car model that they have to meld with it to the point of uncomfortableness. We had a pal back in the day with an RX-8 and his license plate was RX-GR8. He soon became a woman. ZNRGY? This person HAS GOT TO BE IN SALES.
By the way:
“Easter Bunny gave me a dollar for pillow teeth!”