You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Brian Robbins, and I won’t have it!

Trailers can be deceptive, but they ain’t deceptive enough to mask the odious stench emanating from the cinematic offal heap now known as Meet Dave (aka Starship Dave).  What more could we possibly expect from the director of Norbit, the producer of Wild Hogs and, it must be noted, the star of C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud?  A two-hour loop of Bud Dwyer blowing his top?  Personally, I don’t go to Brian Robbins movies because I’m deathly afraid of this happening.

But families will flock to this fucker when it opens on July 11th (against Hellboy II: The Golden Army), and kids will surely delight in Eddie Murphy’s robotized, cat-punting antics.  I don’t know whether to be thankful that Murphy’s temporarily eschewed the fat-suit humor, or to simply weep at what’s become of his career.  Perhaps I’ll just watch Trading Places and pretend he’s retired somewhere making man-babies with Scary Spice (and, yes, I know he’s married to Tracey Edmonds).

Meet Dave is essentially a crass reworking of Joe Dante’s classic Innerspace (which was, of course, an affectionate parody of Fantastic Voyage).  Murphy stars as a flesh-and-circuit spaceship piloted by tiny aliens from an endangered planet; when the human-looking craft is taken in by a single mom (Elizabeth Banks), the wee folks’ mission is jeopardized.  Romance blooms, stock comedic situations ensue, and the human spirit is wadded up and sullied like a spunk towel. 

Meet Dave makes Norbit look like Kind Hearts and Coronets.