What
follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle your fancy.
1. We Really Need Some Education.
Because I’m a dud as a human being, I sometimes go into stores like Kohl’s. It’s kind of like a Macy’s except with no soul. Not that Macy’s has a soul. Fuck it. Plus, I live in the suburbs and have a daughter. Why am I defending myself to you! What makes you so damn special?
Ahem…
So, I was at a Kohl’s the other day. I was looking for socks and underwear but what I found was the advertisement above. How much wrong can happen in one innocent snap of a camera? I’m not a religious man, but I’m starting to hope those Mayans were a few years off with their big surprise.
2. When Product Naming Departments Sleep.
“The amazing candy recipe is complete and I have a bin full of sweet coloreds!”
“I can’t wait. I simply can’t wait until Jason gets in to send this amazing item to stores!”
“Fuck that, I’m a scientist. Who else is here at this hour?”
“I’ll be right back.”
3. God, Shave The Queen.
There is a magazine devoted to the Royal Family. I was totally baffled and offended until I saw the centerfold. The Queen Mother’s clit ring is INSANE.
4. Mon Crayon Es Large.
What’s next, they’re going to get their own BARS?
5. Greek Penthouse Magazine.
I thought this was a Goat and Sheep fetishist magazine until I leafed through it and realized it was just for people who were in the farm planning business. And then glanced further and saw the “Drop Your Carbon Load” article.
I’d loan you my issue but it’s covered in my “product”.
6. Sweep The Leg!
I love it when I don’t have to contact the Better Business Bureau. One of my tasks in life is to make sure that Dojos aren’t hiring pussies to teach the ancient art of damaging faces. I love the idea of someone walking past a martial arts studio and seeing a “help wanted” sign and deciding to apply knowing full and well that they have a puce belt in receiving slaps.
I mean, do you REALLY need to mention that you’re looking for a Kung Fu Hero that knows Kung Fu? I mean, do you? Just like, do you really need to know that McDonald’s coffee is hot?
By the way:
“I hear onions!”