UPDATED: JASON VOORHEES: STRIKE-BREAKER

The bad news: CHUD alum Smilin’ Jack Ruby’s script ain’t the blueprint. But you knew that, too.

The ugly news: a director has been signed, and it’s Marcus Nispel.

Is that actually good news? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never been bored enough to see his Texas Chainsaw remake, and while I did see Pathfinder (I’m now part of an elite club, I realize) that movie was such a triple-bypass size clusterfuck that I can’t entirely blame it on Nispel, though I probably should. Obviously a failure on all levels, Pathfinder is the definition of bad career move.

Which, hopefully, puts Nispel back to square one and ready to trim off flashy excess to make his next movie work. Furthermore, it’s not like he can fuck up the Voorhees franchise any worse than it has been. Can he really make something as unwatchable as Jason Goes To Hell or Freddy Vs Jason? Besides Pathfinder, I mean.

The script, by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (you probably knew that bit already) is keeping the mask and Crystal Lake setting. More to the point, it’s done, which means that Nispel can get to work during the strike. Keep in mind, though, that they wrote FvJ, so perhaps they can help Nispel keep this series’ skidmark going.

What’s that mean Nispel’s adaptation of American McGee’s Alice? Perhaps nothing, though we can hope that Alice is dead. I don’t want anyone touching that property at this point unless they can add something that Svankmajer or the Waits / Wilson combo missed.

UPDATE: Bloody Disgusting has now got a full character breakdown, which also details some vague plot points. The leads seem to be a brother-sister duo (Clay and Whitney) with Chumbler, the pudgy, funny guy and Trent, the rich douchebag you hope dies first. There are also a few extra girls, and for two of them (‘attractive’ Chelsea and ‘voluptuous, perfectly tanned’ Amanda) there’s a big PARTIAL NUDITY REQUIRED note. ‘Partially’? That’s it, this movie is going to blow.

* Highly subjective.