Remember when there was one Hobbit film? That was the day.

Peter Jackson is getting all Kill Bill on us and taking the already superstretched Hobbit movie and crafting another film out of the morass. It’ll require more contracts, more sets, and a new approach to how the first two films are edited. It’ll also mean the story will be expanded and stretched out even further.

So says Variety.

I love the book, but it’s a morsel compared to The Lord of the Rings. It’s an appetizer. It’s fried calamari to the original trilogy’s Red Snapper on a seared gouda grit cake.

Now it’s three heaping plates of fried calamari. That’s a lot of grease. We’re going to have Hobbit clogged arteries for the next three years. I hope it works but I’m skeptical.

One thing that had better not happen: Any delaying of the existing two films. There’s a limit to how many articles we should be running about the release and marketing of these flicks.

Note: I will take all my negative comments back if they’re adding non-canon scenes where they take turns with Galadriel in vivid detail.