There are all sorts of great double features. Not too long ago I had a Teeth & Carrie double feature. “Vaginas Gone Wrong Night”, we called it. You know what isn’t a good double feature? Above the Law and Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres. I wasted my Saturday on a film that was kinda cool, almost (Above the Law) and a film that was like watching a doctor cut open a penis, turn it inside out, do a little twist here, a snip there, congratulations Greg Fitzsimmons, you’re now a chick (Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Blow). I was going to do a blog entry on these, but fuck that shit. Instead, let’s discuss some of my ROCK ‘N ROLL DIRTY SECRETS.

My favorite Led Zeppelin song is “Fool in the Rain”. I really really like Bonham’s drumming, I love the random Cuban dance break in the middle, and I adore the way Robert Plant sings the words “Light of the love that I found”. Go ahead, just sing that one to yourself. It’s fun! This is one of those songs that’s essentially (structurally speaking) a rap song. It’s got a great beat, it’s got a single repeating melody (like a sample), and it’s all bout LZ gettin’ people to shake their asses. Very similar is Blink-182’s “I Miss You”, which, coincidentally, is my favorite Blink-182 song.

I’ve yet to immerse myself in David Bowie’s full catalogue the way I’ve immersed myself in, say, Yello’s full catalogue, but my favorite Bowie song is “Modern Love“. It’s all about how fun and catchy it is, how amazing those drums sound, and how it contributed to one of my favorite movie scenes of all time. After watching that, I don’t know if it’s possible to hear this song as anything but a burst of pure and unchained energy.

My favorite Ramones song is “Bonzo Goes to Bitburg“. I never know whether I should be ashamed of this or not. On the one hand, it’s written by Dee Dee and Joey Ramone, openly criticizing Ronald Reagan, so it’s got some punk cred. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem right that my favorite Ramones song features the plinking sounds of a xylophone. That’s Go-Gos shit. Then again, I fucking love the Go-Go’s.

I’m glad Ian Curtis is dead. Joy Division is alright, kinda, if you feel like dying. The other morning I woke up and I kinda wished I died in my sleep, and I put on “Atrocity Exhibition“. Perfect moping music. But for the most part, I don’t have much interest in his off-key warblings. But his death lead Joy Division to change into New Order, which is much much better.  I’ll trade thirty “Love Will Tear Us Apart Again“s for a single “Bizarre Love Triangle“. Hell, I’d trade every Joy Division song ever for “Temptation“.

All of these are kind of embaressing to say. I feel like these choices are serious threats to my street cred. Not that I have any credibility when it comes to taste in music (did I mention my obsession with Yello?), but still: I’m a 20 year old quasi-intellectual. It’s not as if I’m a good person. My taste in music and movies is all I got in this world. 

But I guess when it comes to rock music, I subscribe to the rules of the Charolastra: Pop beats Poetry.