“Watch the numbers Batman, for they are the harbingers of your doom…”
–Arnold Schwarzenegger (Batman & Robin)

May 14th, 2012

1. The Avengers ($103 million)

[Total: $373 million | Worldwide: $1.002 billion | Budget: $220m]

Well, that’s a billion folks!

With what is by far the best second-weekend for a film in the states adding over $100m more to the total, the juggernaut superhero team-up has made, just…. so much money, and in so little time. The world we live in today suggests this film will be more front-loaded than, say, another massive outlier like Avatar, but that really only means it is going to fall slightly short of making more money than any movie ever ever, forever. That’s akin to saying this raging hot blazing sun is only going to go supernova in 4.6 billion years rather then the 7.8 billion it will take that star over there… it’s all the same to us puny mortals.

There should be no real doubt that The Avengers will kick in Battleship‘s stupid, dumb teeth, but I’m still thinking MIB3 will manage to squeak by into first place two weekends from now- if only because Sony knows they need it to do so, and may put in the work and dough to make it happen…

The massive success of this film is also leading many into debates and discussions about what Dark Knight Rises will do, what it will mean, and how much it’s worth comparing to The Avengers. I’d contribute my two cents, but ultimately that sum is so low compared to the billions and billions these two films will make that, statistically speaking, the difference between me saying it and not saying it is negligible. Ultimately to me it just seems like trying to forecast America’s appetite for steak when they’re lying on the couch in a food coma having gorged on hamburgers. Two months is plenty of time to poop out that-

I’m done.

 

***

3. Dark Shadows ($29 million)

[Total: $29 million | Worldwide: $65.5m | Budget: $100m

This didn’t have to be this way. Burton fatigue and bad reviews notwithstanding, this is a film that so clearly could have made MUCH more money were all the variables reBoggled in that loud plastic container. A real marketing campaign that didn’t try and shout into the superhero noise a day late and a dollar short? A better release date that didn’t place it on a historically shitty weekend and up against a juggernaut? with a still-raging erection? A more concerted effort to educate audiences about just what the hell this film is on about?

There’s no reason to cry, since apparently the film does suck, but I would say not to weight this too heavily against Depp or Burton. They went a bit esoteric on this one perhaps, but I don’t think the brand has been dented. Also, that budget above is supposedly pre-tax, so it’s at least $50m or so lower than listed.

***

3. Think Like A Man ($6 million)

[Total: $82 million | Worldwide: N/A | Budget: $12m

Were there not a blockbuster with enough crossover appeal to be a perfectly great date movie, maybe this thing would have broken $100m. As is, it’s still a home run and will probably do sick business on DVD.

***

4. The Hunger Games ($4.5 million)

[Total: $387 million | Worldwide: $624m | Budget: $78m]

This one’s going to crawl so close to to $400 it’s going to hurt. Don’t see it getting there though. The summer has started and it’s not going to relent.

***

5. The Lucky One ($4 million)

[Total: $54 million | Worldwide: $76.5m | Budget: N/A]

I’ve really just got nothing for you for this one.

***

The Rest…

A little Eva Mendez movie manages to break the top 10, and the Marigold Hotel flick expanded to grab the best non-Avengers per-screen average. Other than that, talking about these numbers is like trying to spot someone shining a flashlight at your from the surface of the sun…

 

Thanks for reading!

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Numbers (rounded off to nearest .5m) via BoxOfficeMojo