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STUDIO: Vivid Entertainment
RATED: XXX…duh
RUNNING TIME: 149 minutes, 53 minutes sans boning
SPECIAL FEATURES:
- Non-sex version of the movie
- Vivid Previews
- Photo Gallery
- Behind The Scenes
- Auditions
The Pitch
Someone other than George Lucas is fucking with the Star Wars franchise…
The Humans
Director: Axel Braun, Allie Haze, Seth Gamble, Rocco Reed, Dick Chibble, Chi Chi LaRue, Lexington Steele and Tom Byron.
The Nutshell
Young moisture farmer, Luke Skywalker (Gamble), finds himself caught up in a mission of galactic importance when his Uncle Owen buys two droids, R2-D2 and C-3PO (voice of Chi Chi LaRue), that secretly contain plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the Death Star, which is capable of destroying an entire planet. Luke and his his mentor, old Jedi knight, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Byron), embark on a journey to rescue rebel leader, Princess Leia (Haze), from the clutches of Darth Vader (Steele). They’re accompanied by smuggler and rogue, Han Solo (Reed) and his trusty sidekick, Chewbacca (Chibbles). When they find themselves aboard the dreaded space station, it becomes a race to save the princess and escape to the rebel base where a final, desperate attack to destroy the Death Star will be fought. Oh, and there’s lots of sex along the way.
The Lowdown
Well, here it is. An XXX-rated take on Star Wars. Some of you have probably been waiting decades for this moment. Some maybe only as long as the first time you saw Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Regardless, with the biggest trend in the adult industry the last couple of years being the rather high-quality spoofing of big-name properties such as Spider-Man, Batman, The Incredible Hulk and many others, this was inevitable. And really, in terms of the production quality of this parody, and what’s accomplished, it’s probably for the best that this was produced now, with the advances in digital photography, relatively affordable CGI and green screen sets. What this thing would have looked like if it were attempted 20 years ago or especially back in the ’80s makes me shudder.
If you’ve seen any of the recent parodies, including director Axel Braun’s Batman XXX from last year, you know that these things are indeed looking better and better. For Star Wars XXX, you’ll notice the visual quality drop when CGI backgrounds and sets are employed, which is to be expected, but speaking from first-hand experience, a considerable amount of time and money went into some of the practical sets in this film, particularly the Cantina set. And in those instances, the parody looks surprisingly good. The special effects are also suitably good, with Braun scattering an “X” throughout from time to time just to remind you.
"Kid, I hate to tell ya this, but it's either blow the Wookiee or that whole arms out of the sockets thing..."
But does that make the parody itself good? Well that all depends on what your expectations are. If you’re looking for just some good sex, albeit in the midst of a nerdbait milieu, the film has plenty of that. Sex is the raison d’etre after all. If you’re looking for a serviceable parody, the film’s got that too. It’s not Family Guy nor Robot Chicken, but last time I checked, neither one of those broke for a round of money shots, anal, three-ways, girl-on-girl nor Twilek banging. And Spaceballs had that whole virgin alarm thing going on, so that kiboshed that notion right away. Overall, though, I liked the parody. Braun tossed in some respectable gags and digs at the Star Wars franchise. That whole Han/Greedo situation is addressed (with extreme prejudice), Threepio is uber-gay, all the stormtroopers are chicks, and Haze, Gamble and Rocco also throw themselves into the roles. Tom Byron especially looked like he was having fun…when he wasn’t, you know, having fun.
Like my esteemed colleague, it’s generally impossible for me to sit down to watch a porn flick all the way through anymore. What I like about Vivid’s presentation here is that they’ve covered their bases for their clients. If you want to see the whole 2.5-hour shebang, toss it in your DVD player and settle in. Otherwise, they’ve taken all the sex scenes and not only created a sub-menu of them, but they’re also chaptered, so you can go to whatever stage of the action you want right away, from foreplay to facial. And best, they’ve got a completely sex-free version on disc 2, that is a very reasonable length of 53 minutes. It’s also surprisingly tame. There’s nary a curse word – if any – in the whole movie.
Anybody else amazed by how appropriate this mask is for this move?
It’s really something for an old fogey like me (Nick ain’t the only CHUD slob hitting 4-0 this year), who’s of the generation that either had to go to the video store – or worse, a video arcade – to get his porn, to see how the medium has progressed. Let’s face it, adult flicks ain’t ever going to be sold at Wal-Mart, but I’m nonetheless amazed at how truly mainstream the industry is getting. Star Wars XXX by and large delivers a good adult parody.
The Package
Disc 2 features a good behind-the-scenes featurette that runs 33 minutes and has interviews with the cast and crew and shows some of the scenes being filmed. The photo gallery is explicit and features many still shots from the sex scenes. There’s also plenty of Vivid product offerings including sex toys and online features, as well as previews of their other XXX parody films such as Batman XXX, Spider-Man XXX, Elvis XXX and Superman XXX. Auditions of the cast for various roles clock in at 30 minutes and round out the offerings.
You’ve got to hand it to Vivid for going all out on this parody and this two-disc offering. The menus are easy to navigate, and not done on the cheap, whether you want to see the non-sex version of the movie, or skip right to the carnal stuff on Disc 1. The cover art work is pretty damn good and there are menus that feature shots that pay homage to classic Star Wars posters. And the amount of extras should make Vivid fans pretty happy as well.
Rating: Out of a Possible 5 Stars
