Okay, do you know who I think is the most talented person in Hollywood?
Paris Hilton’s agent.
Seriously, this is a person unknown to me. I don’t know their name, their gender, their age. Nothing. But I sure as hell know for an absolute FACT that they are the most talented person in Hollywood because they took a completely talentless turd and turned it into a celebrity.
Think about it.
I don’t know if Ms. Hilton is on the top of my ‘Sit the Fuck Down’ list, but she’s on it for sures. I’d hate to give her the impression she was ‘top’ anything. One thing is for sure however, and that is one way or another someone has got to stop her from making any more movies.
At work today I came upon a direct to DVD release ‘starring’ her entitled, and here’s one for the clever department, ‘The Hottie and the Nottie’.
Did I spell that wrong? I fucking well hope so since ‘Nottie’ is not even a fucking word.
Who greenlights this shit, anyway? Guys like David Lynch and Terry Gilliam fight for the bank to do every film they make. A blockbuster director like Guillermo Del Toro can’t get the backing for the adaptation of HP Lovecraft’s ‘At the Mountains of Madness’ he so passionately wants to make, but someone funded ‘the hottie and the nottie’? What kind of crazy Universe do we live in? Did we, like Sam Neill before us travel through the Event Horizon? At least this would explain some of the events of that movie, as I can very well imagine that transcending a black hole only to find a Paris Hilton movie would definitely explain why they all clawed their eyes out, wouldn’t it?
What about all of the other direct to DVD tripe this talentless hack has been cast in over the last couple of years? And it’s not just her. Do you know how many Van Wilder sequels there are? If you don’t already (which, unless you happened upon this website by mistake you probably do not) DO NOT open a new tab on your browser and look. PLEASE. The answer may result in more eye gouging.
The Cult of Celebrity is a precarious thing. I wrote about it in depth a while back here:
and all I can say subsequently is I can rant all I want but the truth is we deserve this. Well, maybe not me and hopefully not you reading this but ‘we’ as a species definitely do. Why? Well, if you are like me and find it hard to believe stuff like this makes any money at all, what do you think the appeal to producing it is?
Nothing other than upholding the cult of the Celebrity.
‘What?’ you ask.
It’s simple. Once these people are in front of the cameras of bullshit shows such as ‘Entertainment Tonight’ and ‘Inside Edition’ there’s just no removing them. I see it all the time at work. What’s the most read magazine in a place with thousands upon thousands of books, magazines and such?
Fuck, it makes me sick that I know all their names but there is just no avoiding it. When you sell words to people you see a cross section of what the society is reading, and boy, let me tell you, it’s nothing good.
Okay, maybe I’m just worked up. I guess it’s not all that bad, but really, in this country we reward the stupid and the promiscuous with status and so this is what happens.
So what do we do?
Red Dawn anyone?
Or to modify something the late George Carlin said, ‘let’s put up a big fence around some nothing state like Wyoming (Wyoming is good, it starts on fire a lot), round all these talentless scabies up and let em’ do what they will amongst themselves while the rest of us focus on making art, love and trying to divert the realization of George Orwell’s 1984 here on present day Planet Earth (well, that last part may be too late, but in that case we should just focus on the art and sex, eh???).