We’re usually taught to respect our elders; but there have been plenty of characters in film who never quite got that memo. There’s been a long and proud tradition in movies of elderly abuse and bad doings being transgressed on the 4:30 dinner crowd. This is the generation that did things like survived the Great Depression, fought the Nazis and the Reds, raised our parents and all too often us. One would think they’d earned a bit of consideration for things like guaranteed Social Security, adult diapers that don’t leak and generally not getting the shit beat out of them or snuffed like some third rate extra. In this CHUD list, we’re going to take a look at 15 old-timers who, unfortunately, turned into having-a-really-bad-timers.
The Film: Punisher: War Zone (2008)
Buy it from CHUD
The Director: Lexi Alexander
The Elder: Momma Micro (Lynne De Bel)
"Here's to a long and healthy life, sweet mother."
Momma Micro has had a tough life. Surely she’s seen the passing of her one true love to a long illness and she’s had to endure her son’s evolution from nerd to loser to nerd loser weapons manufacturer, a nobody whose best friends are The Punisher (the vigilante) and The Punisher (the mechanical fist from the Adam & Eve catalog). She’s overcome decades of her own slow deterioration to old age, dementia, and finally a vegetative state that requires her son’s full devotion just to keep her alive. But that’s love. He’s happy to do it and each new day brings new optimism from Micro that his beloved mother’s eyes will regain their sparkle and abandon the glassy gaze that has robbed her of her autumn years and the fiery spirit that made her such a catch in the 40’s. Momma Micro was a saucy minx back in the day and men clamored for just a moment in her arms or vagina. She was a runner-up for Miss Brooklyn three years running and the only reason she didn’t win was because the judges were so smitten by her they feared that by giving her a much-deserved win they’d give her a ticket out of town and to success far away from them.
Nearly catatonic, she is tended to every day with utmost TLC by her son. It’s not idyllic, but it’s placid and safe…
The Abuse: …until the villainous Jigsaw and his gang of rude men shatter her entire world with extreme prejudice.
Listen, she may have died of old age. The forensics aren’t in yet. She may have wistfully drifted off in a haze of sleep and fallen gracefully into the arms of her loving Earth Mother, nestled gently to her bosom until the calm took her into the great delight. That may have happened. Or her face may have been painfully shredded and exploded and imploded at the same time by a point-blank shotgun murder. Hundreds of burning metal hatred barbs through her face. Immediately. I mean, that kissable old visage instantly ruined. The pain, incredible. Even for a total vegetable of a broad. In fact it’s safe to assume that all of her catatonia was instantly healed for one millisecond as Death’s painful hammer slammed her through spheres of reality, and then that healing was replaced by all sorts of bloody business arrangements.
Just another innocent victim in a war between men with shitty faces and dudes in skull fashion.
Lack Of Respect By: Jigsaw
The man has some issues. His matinee idol looks have been replaced with the midnight showing misshaped abstract sculpture looks and no man or decrepit woman will stand in his way as he blazes a trail towards his quarry. Even if his quarry’s mom can’t stand, or even blink or lift a finger in protest. He’s got plans and sometimes those plans involve a very old woman’s head being treated like skiñata.
Did she see it coming? She ain’t seen shit for days.
Could the AARP Have Helped? Depends. Do they have a moist towlette and a trash bag?
If nature had taken its course? She’d have died peacefully in her chair with nothing ventured or lost. She’d be dead but with no regrets and the understanding that her son could lovingly say goodbye with a tasteful open casket funeral.
God damn.
Message Board Discussion
Day One – Gremlins
Day Two – Kiss of Death
