Greeting pathetic Humans.
Many of you have asked how to contact me so that I may impart my awesome wisdom upon you. So, I shall (once again) list the ways.
Email – lord.skeletor@hotmail.co.uk
Via the this thread on the message boards
http://www.chud.com/community/t/139588/ask-skeletor
Or send a message to me via pathetic Human Ken Savage’s Facebook page.
Be warned should I have to repeat myself again the consequences will be dire! Now on with your problems..
Alif Tomar asks…
Dear Lord Skeletor,
I know that this letter may come to you as a surprise, I got your contact address from the computerized search. My name is Mr Alif Tomar, I am the Bill and Exchange (assistant) Manager of Bank of Africa Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department I discovered an abandoned sum of eighteen million three hundred thousand United State of American dollars (18.3MILLION USA DOLLARS) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer Mr Kurt Kuhle from Alexandra Egypt who died along with his family in Siber airline that crashed into sea at Isreal on 4th October 2001……. (rest of email removed for stupidity)
Dear Alif.
It was I Lord Skeletor, ruler of Snake Mountain and master of the dark arts that first started this very scam. Do not try and fool me with my own evil power. Contact me again and face my wrath!
Mike’s Pants asks….
Lord Skeletor,
1. Dr. Doom was interviewed in ‘Overlord Monthly’ and is quoted as saying that you were “teh sux”. What would you like done with him?
2. My department is sinking like the Titanic; unreasonable targets, painful shift patterns and ugly, ugly colleagues. Should I murder the key members of senior management, crack open their skulls and feast on the warm goo inside?
3. Having you considered an “Apprentice” style event to nominate your second in command. “Mike’s Pants, you will be set on fire” etc.
4. For a guy called Skeletor you are in surprisingly good shape. What regime do you follow to attain such a magnificent phyisque and do the lady skeletons go for muscles?
Dear Mike’s Pants.
1. Dr Doom has long thought himself better than me, I allow him his little fantasy because it amuses me to know I could crush him at any time. Also I happen to know he sucks at Halo and have pwnd him many a time online.
2. Killing co workers and feasting on their brains will bring you nothing, I recommend mind control and I will send you a book containing 10 easy steps to achieve this.
3. This idea shows promise young Pants I like it. Using such a process I can try out my evil schemes with others as the scape goats if they fail. Should any of them actually succeed then I shall reward them with a place at my side, and should they fail that idiot He-Man will take care of the elimination process for me.
4.Physical fitness is very important to me. I feel that in order to be an effective villian one must maintain a healthy mind and body. And yes, chicks dig muscles.
John Homer Asks..
Could Lord Skeletor please tell me how he keeps his skeletal jaw from falling off when he talks?
Dear John Homer.
The power of Evil
Andy Bain asks…
Lord Skeletor,
I was on a stag do last night and being the wannabe kiwi I am, I skulled (pun not intended) half a glass of Wild Turkey when asked.
Some of my fellow stags refused this, and advised me that I was a muppet to even do it and in fact that the whole practice (forcing alcohol on people) was not welcome in the 21st Century.
Are they worthless killjoy idiots or am I really a muppet?
Dear Andy
Your fellow Stags were indeed fools. Much liquor must be consumed and many women conquered on this glorious and worthwhile endeavor. So for even suggesting a lack of drinking they should be sent to Monster Island and forced to survive the Thrall Beasts wrath.
However,
In writing to me you have broken the very sacred code of “Don’t ask and Don’t tell” that accompanies this event. For this there is no excuse and I have no choice but to dispatch Beast-Man and Tri-Klops to help you see the error of your ways.
Nimue Brown asks…
I want to know how to pickle victory.
Dear Nimue,
Victory should not be pickled. I see it as a sweet thing and if anything it should be baked and sprinkled with sugar.
Kirsty Savage asks..
My question to Lord Skeletor, what I phone cover should I get oh masterful one
Dear Kirsty,
Personally I favor the leather sleeve option, one that you can slip the phone in; However I am sure you already know that as you have stolen it mine!
Curse you Kirsty, I will have my revenge!
And with that I will leave for for this week. I have work to do on my latest plan to conquor Eternia and if all goes well next week I will be answering your questions from inside Castle Greyskull, with that fool He-Man as my slave.
Until next time….