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STUDIO: Bill Zebub Productions. Get it?
MSRP: $14.95
RATED: NR
RUNNING TIME: 74 Minutes/Feels like 7 hours
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Trailer
The Pitch
We’ve got a living room and two girls willing to get naked on camera – let’s make a movie!
The Humans
Presumably several strippers from New Jersey with special guest star Freddie Dingo as the circle.
The Nutshell
From the back of the DVD case: “Two girls hitch a ride, unaware of the fury of the driver. They endure humiliating perversions and excruciating pain. Their friendship warps as they are forced to perform sexual acts on each other for the twisted amusement of their captor. Escape is no easy thing to accomplish. Should they fail they will surely die.
Rape is a Circle explores the cycle of cruelty – how pain does not end with the victim. The ripples touch many, setting off new waves of torment. The story pushes your limits of sympathy as well as condemnation. Things are not black and white. This tale does not tell you what to think. But it will MAKE you think.”
Translation: We filmed softcore rape pornography, combined it with an awful slasher flick and tried to release it as an actual film. This tale does not tell you what to think, but it will MAKE you think – about how much you want to murder everyone associated with its production.
Don’t mess with me. I’ve got a Crosman Air Gun and I know to use it.
The Lowdown
The pedigree of this film could probably best be conveyed by listing the titles of some of Bill Zebub’s other features: Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist, The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made, The Crucifier, Kill the Scream Queen and the upcoming Frankenstein: The Rapist. You may have noticed that rape seems to be a recurring theme in these films. After subjecting unwitting audiences to so many awful films, there ought to be a way to charge Bill Zebub with raping people’s minds and killing innocent brain cells.
Rape is a Circle is no different from Zebub’s other films, in that it’s cheaply filmed on a dime store camera and stars people with absolutely no acting experience whatsoever. The majority of the film’s running time is spent with girls in various states of undress as they play with fake knives and guns and smear red food coloring all over each other. The nude scenes are broken up by "acting" that’s so atrocious it becomes more offensive than the fake rape scenes.
One of Zebub’s upcoming films is called Assmonster: The Making of a Horror Movie. The description of this film is as follows: “A horror nerd decides to make his own movie after having had purchased a really bad amateur movie at a horror convention. What follows is a comedic exploration into the indie horror world.” Now it all makes sense. All these horrible films were created just to set up Zebub’s magnum opus, a subversive parody of his own films. It’ll be the New Nightmare for the next generation, the generation of god awful independent horror filmmakers with too much money and free time on their hands. A generation of film makers who make Charles Band look like an artistic genius and a paragon of virtue.
I never knew Jesus was a pudgy 40-year-old in a dirty leather jacket and a faded Whitesnake T-shirt.
This is not a “fun” bad movie. It’s not cheesy or humorous in how bad it is. There is no possible way to enjoy this film, even if you’re hanging around and getting drunk with your friends. There’s nothing to riff on in this movie. It’s nothing but cheap garbage filmed in someone’s living room. At least when you filmed awful horror movies with your buddies and a camcorder, you had the common sense not to release it to the masses. Don’t support the retarded thought process that compels Bill Zebub to do so.
The Package
The film’s DVD art is a lovely close-up of two stripper faces blurred together. The filmmakers undoubtedly spent many long and arduous nights figuring out how to create this magnificent effect in Photoshop. Almost everything about the artwork screams low grade trash, from the half naked chicks on the back to that creepy font that drips blood and is used on every Geocities horror movie website on the Internet. Spooky!
The only extra is a trailer for Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist a.k.a Into Thy Hands a.k.a. another bloody abortion of a film that no one with taste would ever want to see. At least we can take solice in the fact that if Jesus does exist, Bill Zebub will burn in Hell as punishment for his filmmaking.
DVD menu design by your little brother.