So they threatened to attack the American Embassy and all businesses and/or institutions that have anything at all to do with Americans or the English language. This includes the CBA, wherein I spend my weekdays teaching EFL (which is the new, politically correct term for English).

And the place was evacuated.

That’s not what we told the students. We just told them that SEDUCA, the Education Commission of Bolivia was coming for a surprise inspection and classes were suspended. If they bought that, they’re dumber than I thought.

But the place was evacuated and so here I am now writing this spontaneous blog.

Who are “they”? – You ask.

They are the Masistas, supporters of Evo Morales… Official douchebag president of Bolivia. This stupid motherfucker was elected president in a landslide election that came about after he and others incited a week-long revolt of riots and city-wide vandalism, which resulted in the previous president leaving office.

Everyone voted for him the following elections.

His supporters – the indigenous population, because they wanted their folk “hero” to lead them.

And his detractors – the rest of us, because they wanted to see that “Indio de Mierda” get up there and fall on his ass. Which, in theory, he did. He went on to make an ass of himself and embarrass the whole country on The Daily Show, but he’s still up there for fuck’s sake! Basically, we all got what we deserved.

Look. Dubya’s a jackass. But at least he WENT to college. I don’t quite know what to think when I KNOW that I have a higher education than my president by virtue of the fact that I finished high school. I mean, Evo did like… what… 5th grade?

So, his supporters are equally mindless and twice as insufferable. There’s a new election coming up and they want to make sure that people vote in favor of this government. Has Venezuela taught them nothing? Just quit while you’re ahead.

There is no way to accurately describe my feelings for a group of people who will stand in front of City Hall and slit the throats of puppies on live television to send a message of war onto the public. Oh, so you can slit a poodle’s throat? That makes you a fearsome individual? Why don’t you come to my house so I can shove a toilet plunger up your ass?

And that is why I will never get behind any train of thought that falls in favor of the president of Bolivia.

How does this all relate to movies?

Well… The big story of the past couple of months is how Quantum of Solace lensed in Panama and Chile doubling for Bolivia. (Why? Does it involve blow? Must we look forward to License To Kill II? Is Pacino reprising Tony Montana? What is this shit?) The Bolivian Minister of Culture wrote a letter to Eon Productions, claiming how they missed out on the wonderful things that Bolivia has to offer and that Bolivian film technicians are every bit as professional and efficient as those in Panama and Chile. He expressed disappointment in their lack of vision at not deciding to come to Bolivia and use “authentic” locations for their Bond movie. The letter was published in the paper and I read it while blowing Fanta through my nose and nearly drowning.

People ask me all the time: Why do you think they decided not to shoot the new Bond movie here? My answer is evidenced by the events of this morning.

Put it in perspective. You’re Marc Forster – preparing a very complicated shot in front of the Ritz Hotel or whatever… Or, you’re Eon Productions or The Broccolis or UA or whatever… You’ve spent untold millions on your Fall tentpole Bond picture. But, guess what? Your shoot is canceled because a bunch of monolith-faced zombies have decided to block the main avenue. They don’t really know why they’re doing it. It has something to do with Gringos being assholes.

The same Gringos who work in organizations that provide financial aid and keep this fucking country from turning into a hollow crater. It’s fashionable to hate us. Even without knowing exactly why.

You know some people actually made jokes after 9/11? My favorite one is the one about why us Americans can’t play chess. (Try to discern the answer: In Spanish, the rook is referred to as the tower.)

Yeah, I didn’t laugh either.

Don’t get me wrong, I love living here. Living costs are down and I can do whatever the fuck I want. But this kind of shit really cheeses me off. No, nothing will happen. The embassy won’t actually get bombed. And tomorrow is business as usual. I just can’t help being mad at the social hypocrisy that governs this town.

I can’t wait to shoot my movie next year.