There’s nothing worse than thinking you’re funny/hip/edgy when the reality is you just absolutely suck. That is the reality of the Razzies, a relatively harmless novelty award that rewards films in the field of shittiness. Yet, why do they still seem to piss me off? I don’t know. It’s like that guy on our message boards who thinks he’s the funniest thing since midgets, Chuck Norris, or Snakes on a Plane (btw, this joke’s gone the way of the reaper, people) when he’s really just proving to be a waste of a username.
Oh well. It’s a pointless award that really doesn’t deserve our coverage, but since Devin and Dave have already gotten all the worthwhile news up and I’ve got nothing better to do, here are the nominations for suckitude, just for shits and giggles:
Worst Picture
The Dukes of Hazzard
Son of the Mask
House of Wax
Dirty Love
Deuce Bigalow 2: European Gigolo
Worst Sequel/Remake
The Dukes of Hazzard
Son of the Mask
House of Wax
Deuce Bigalow 2: European Gigolo
Bewitched
Worst Actor
Will Ferrell (Bewitched)
Will Ferrell (Kicking & Screaming)
Jamie Kennedy (Son of the Mask)
Rob Schneider (Deuce Bigalow 2: European Gigalo)
The Rock (Doom) – Actually, that one’s bullshit.
Tom Cruise (War of the Worlds) – Riiiiiight.
Worst Actress
Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four) – But her ass…
Jessica Alba (Into the Blue) – …turned in a fine performance.
Hilary Duff (Cheaper by the Dozen 2)
Hilary Duff (The Perfect Man)
Jenny McCarthy (Dirty Love)
Tara Reid (Alone in the Dark) – This was more retarded casting than anything.
Jennifer Lopez (Monster-in-Law) – JLo bashing? What is this, 2003?
Worst thing I saw last year was easily Be Cool, but I guess I didn’t look hard enough. Thank God. Alright, I feel dirty. Time to go watch Jaws 3-D or something.