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STUDIO: Warner Bros. / Wea
MSRP: $19.98
RATED: N/A
RUNNING TIME: 63 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• What is Cool? Featurette
• Greg Behrendt Does Not Rock Featurette
The Pitch
"Funny uncool dude riffs on shit in front of a crowd. Laughter ensues mightily."
The Humans
Greg Behrendt, duh.
The Nutshell
Greg Behrendt, a comedian of 15 years, author of He’s Just Not That Into You, and consultant on Sex and the City, does an hour SET on everything from doing the perfect air guitar, ointment, not understanding his robe, crybaby Spider-Man, and the devil’s work that is Pictionary.
Caption A: "Why did Michael Jackson cross the road? He was following a 10-year-old in a chicken suit."
Caption B: "What do they call vaseline in Germany? Der Vienerschlider."
Caption C: "What’s it going to take to get Nirvana back together? A couple more shotguns."
The Package
4:3 aspect ratio with non-specific audio that nonetheless rocks the woofers nicely. There’s a three-minute featurette on what’s cool and what’s not featuring a bunch of people you’ve probably never seen before; and a five-minute piece by Behrendt and other former / current rock musicians of varying fame who comment on how Behrendt wishes he rocked, but doesn’t. Both featurettes are pretty lame. Cover art is not uncool, though.
"A Peace Corps worker is working with a tribe in Africa and he’s miles away from civilization. He hasn’t had sex in over a year and he promised his girlfriend he wouldn’t jerk off while they’re apart, which means he hasn’t had any release whatsoever the entire time. So he’s stoked when he gets word that his girlfriend is flying into the nearest airport a hundred miles away on a one day layover. He hops in the jeep and drives like a madman to meet her, determined to screw her stupid. But he’s fucked when the jeep breaks down halfway and in the middle of nowhere. Desperate, he starts running to get to the airport. After a couple of hours he comes to a remote village where there’s only a couple of local tribesmen, a couple of huts, and a donkey. He asks the tribesmen if there’s a phone or any jeeps around and they tell him no. With no other recourse, he comes to the realization that with no Jeep and no phone, there’s no way he’s going to get to his girlfriend in time. So he decides that he came all this way to get laid and he’ll nail the nearest female handy. But when he finds out there’s no women around, he almost goes apeshit. He asks the tribesmen what they do for sex because he’s desperate. They tell him they use the donkey over yonder. Disgusted, he can’t believe what they’re saying and walks off. But considering that he’s got to get some, he finally decides if the donkey is good enough for the locals, it’s good enough for him. So he mounts the donkey and fucks it for all he’s worth. The donkey’s not too happy about it though and starts kicking up a storm and making a ruckus. But the dude is holding on tight and getting his beastiality on something fierce. The tribesmen run to see what the commotion is and are shocked when they see him fucking the donkey blind. Finally the dude finishes and gets off the donkey. The tribesmen scream at him, wondering if he’s lost his mind. He asks what they’re talking about since they said they use the donkey too. But then they tell him they ride the donkey to the next village where the women are."
The Lowdown
Behrendt’s main set is very entertaining as he riffs on stuff like how he got guys into trouble with his chick-friendly book, He’s Just Not Into You, how he had to fight the urge to touch Oprah’s face when he appeared on her show, his rules on trick or treating and how “fun size” (fuck you size) candy bars suck. Part of the fun he used to have on Halloween was getting out in his Silver Surfer costume, which involved a silver bikini bottom and a shitload of silver body paint. He also wonders if he’s too old to rock, and gives a quickie course on doing the perfect air guitar (basically it involves fanning the genitals with one hand and giving the sign of the devil with the other). Other material involves his not understanding what to do with a robe he got from his wife for Christmas. Easily the funniest stuff is when he goes off on how Pictionary is basically the purest form of evil and how he had to play it with his wife at friends’ houses and how they both suck at it.
"A large dude named Darrell wins a free trip to Ireland. While he’s there, Darrell takes a piss in a local bathroom and notices a little man with red hair a red beard and a leprechaun costume already there draining his lizard. Darrell takes the urinal right next to him and can’t help but notice that the little man has the biggest dick he’s ever seen. It makes John Holmes look like an inchworm. Darrell can’t help staring at the size of this thing. Darrell’s jealous because even though he’s a large guy, his dick just isn’t that impressive. The little man notices Darrell staring at his massive man sausage and asks him if he has a problem. Darrell tells him that although he’s not gay, he’s duly impressed by the little man’s size and wishes his own dick were even half that big. The little man understands and he tells Darrell that the reason his johnson is so impressive is because he is in fact, a leprechaun. Darrell tells him he’s full of shit but the little man offers to prove it to him by granting Darrell a wish. He says he’ll make Darrell’s dick just as big as his…but Darrell has to agree to a quick ass fucking in a bathroom stall. Darrell is about to tell the little man to fuck off, but he’s so desperate to get a more impressive instrument that he agrees. So he goes into the stall with the little man and proceeds to get cornholed mightily. The little man tells Darrell he has to ask him three questions as part of the ritual and Darrell tells him to hurry up. The first question the little man asks Darrell is his name, which Darrell tells him. The little man then asks Darrell his age and Darrell replies he’s 30. The little man then asks Darrell, ‘Ain’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns…’ "
Behrendt keeps the show moving and is very funny, easily transitioning from all of the above material to much more. He gives an impromptu performance with a band at the end about Itsy Bitsy Spider. I enjoy pretty much only this type of comedy, when comedians can riff uncensored and the dirtier they are the better. I see a comedian doing PG material on Leno and I immediately see what’s going on on Sportscenter. As I said, Behrendt is very funny and the wife and I were laughing quite a bit. Personally though, I’m still waiting for the day when I get to see Eddie Murphy lose the family friendly shit like Dr. Dolittle and friggin’ Daddy Day Care and get back to the really good, piss-your-pants stand up like Delirious or Raw. Umfoofoo still cracks me up 18 years later.