As I type this, Bradley Cooper is going viral for his fluency in French.  Men and women are oohing, aahing, and bitching that there seems to be no flaw to the man.  We all wanted to hate him, I think, but Cooper won’t let us.   He probably left the French interview, and brokered peace in the Middle East thanks to his minor in Islamic Studies.  Then he went home and turned in the Hyperion script.   In between, he signed onto a drama called The Place Beyond the Pines.

Now, I actually thought this was a done deal since it swirled up around Cannes, but apparently it was still up in the air.   (He probably just stopped by Cannes to help break the stalemate on the Palme d’Or or something.)   But now Variety declares it’s final. And I’m thrilled because it sounds like one of those dramas I’ll eat up with a spoon.

Pines centers on a rookie cop (Cooper) and a pro motorcycle rider (Ryan Gosling), who turns to crime in order to support his newborn son.   He and Officer Popsicle Eyes cross paths, and become lifelong enemies in a feud that stretches across a generation.    I can see where this is probably going — they’ll have kids who fall in love, or swap places on the sides of law and order — but I don’t care.   I’m just praying this begins in the 1970s or 1980s, allowing Cooper to patrol the grimy Serpico streets.

Pines will be directed by Derek Cianfrance, from a script he co-wrote with Ben Coccio.   Can he keep up the Blue Valentine buzz? I hope so.  Cooper in a cop drama is something I need very, very much. So, godspeed to distribution, Pines.