If you haven’t already become engorged beyond belief by now, most are slowly trekking along that sleepy path, dreaming of Tryptophanian slumber. But if you can manage to keep those hellishly damned eyes of yours awake for a few more moments, we’ll get to the crux of this ‘special’ Special Edition.
Black Friday.
Some would rather skip the gigantic sales tomorrow morning and stay home, preferring to watch John Holmes lance another victim on VHS and place another notch on his bedpost. Others boycott this day with enough hatred to power the entire population of the Los Angeles metro area (GE wants to meet you if true). And the select few – the crazy bastards – choose to shop and spend their morning stuck in traffic and in their own personal hell, once ready to take the item to the front of the store. I’m reminded of a t-shirt someone in my family bought when we were visiting in Orlando. I think it sums up everything you need to know about Black Friday, as it read – I lost my mind in line.
That said, every store near you (we’ll do the bigger of the eighty billion having sales) will be opening their doors early to give you some of the best prices on the year. Best Buy opens at 5 AM, Circuit City also at the crack o’dawning of the dead – 5 AM, Wal*Mart destroys you with their 24 hour openings (although most sales start at 5 AM), and even those naysayers at Target, with their dirty choosing pharmacists, open at 6 AM. Other stores like CompUSA and Toys Rn’t Us vary, so make sure to call ahead to your nearest location (not everyone has these, you arrogant sonofabitch).
That said, feel free to shout out "thanks, CHUD!" on whatever Holiday it is you celebrate once you start ransacking the following digital gifts, after whomever bought them for you, of course. We’re here for you, since you’re one of the many who read this thing. Feedback is appreciated, and some of you might now how I enjoy making sure you’re not overpaying for DVDs. You can e-mail me here through the Special Edition at chud.special.edition@gmail.com, if you’d like.
First, though, you might want to check out Mr. Matt Goldberg’s thread over on our Message Boards (click right here) considering he beat me by several hours and he’s the better person all around. Feel free to participate in that discussion, unless you’re too good to become a MB poster. Thousands disagree with you, some by saying you’re teh sux.
A word of advice before we begin: people are much faster than you. So learn from your surroundings. It’s like war. As Jamie Foxx once famously confirmed – "Adapt. Roll with it." Survive, really, and live to fight another day.
All right chumps, let’s do this.
CompUSA
These sales run for two days (Friday and Saturday) ONLY. If you go on Saturday, may Chuck Norris help you pilfer the remaining stock. If you live near Encino, he might actually help, if you reference the Sidekicks/Delta Force/Missing In Action holy trinity enough.
$6.99:
Devil’s Advocate
Falling Down
Swordfish
Two Weeks Notice
$9.99:
Because of Winn-Dixie
Fever Pitch (non SE)
Kingdom of Heaven
Robots
$14.99:
War of the Worlds (2005, Single-disc Edition)
The Polar Express
J&R.com
When I used to live in New York, there was Kim’s and then there was J&R. Both are great and worth every single moment wandering the aisles. Kim’s doesn’t have the greatest website (yet), but their stores make my heart flutter every single time I reminisce about them.
Check out J&R’s MASSIVE $4.99 ONLINE DVD sale for a hellofabunch of titles. Far too many to mention – well, Demolition Man for starters – so don’t be lazy and click here with your bloated self.
Fry’s
Some of us don’t even know what these stores are. But for those who do, consider yourselves lucky. This is a ONE DAY ONLY sale (Friday).
Collateral (2-disc SE) is $2.99
Shrek is $2.99
Lost: Complete First Season is $23.99
Desperate Housewives: Season One is $23.99
Wal*Mart
This sale starts from 5AM and ends promptly at 11 AM on Friday ONLY. And as a welcome surprise, they will have PRICE MATCHING during the sale time on Friday. Once it’s gone, you’re shit out of luck. Most of these are good to go online, so rejoice!
$3.44:
Over 40 titles available (also ONLINE too! – click here)
Entrapment
Minority Report (2-disc)
Road to Perdition
Welcome to Mooseport
Critters
Solaris
Billy Madison: Special Edition
Thirteen Days
Passenger 57
The Last Boy Scout
Falling Down
Lethal Weapon 2 and 3
The Beach
Bedazzled
All The Right Moves
About Schmidt
Above the Law
She’s the One
8 Mile
Demolition Man
Poltergiest
Spies Like Us
Catch Me If You Can
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Rush Hour 2
Shark Tale (fullscreen only)
$5.50 (click here):
Friday Night Lights
Meet the Fockers
Anchorman (Rated)
Shrek 2
$8.00 (click here):
Amityville Horror (2005)
Bewitched
Kicking and Screaming
Kingdom of Heaven
Robots
The Interpreter
The Longest Yard (2005)
$9.44 (click here):
Silverado Gift Set
A Man Apart
50 First Dates
Starsky & Hutch
Mystic River
Into the Sun
$9.87 (click here):
Land of the Dead
Fever Pitch
Because of Winn-Dixie
Guess Who
Wedding Date
Ring 2
xXx: State of the Union
$13.72 (click here):
The Passion of the Christ
Miss Congeniality 2
Ghostbusters Giftset (includes 1 and 2)
The Forgotten
Alien Vs. Predator (non DC)
Phantom of the Opera
$19.86 TV SALE (click here):
Everybody Loves Raymond: Seasons One and Two
Friends: Season One
Without a Trace: Season One
Nip/Tuck: Season One
Everwood: Season One
Wonder Woman: Seasons One and Two
West Wing: Seasons One and Two
E.R.: Seasons One and Two
Toys R Us
Geoffrey will only be doling out the good sales through Friday and Saturday. I went a few years ago to stock up on $9.99 Lion King’s SE, only to find it had completely disappeared by 10:00 AM on Friday. Let that be a lesson to you lazy-ass college/high school kids wishing to sleep in – people suck and are greedy.
$7.99:
Dora’s Adventure
Dora’s Christmas
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (non SE)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Shrek 2
Shark Tale
The Grinch
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2-disc)
$12.99:
Bambi
Cinderella
National Treasure
The Incredibles
The Pacifier
K*Mart
This store has been forgotten about by time and bankruptcy, but it’s still around. Check your local listings and call ahead. If you’re in Michigan, there used to be one on like, every corner.
$6.99:
Friday Night Lights
Meet The Fockers
Shark Tale
Shrek 2
$8.99:
Crash
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
$12.99:
A Lot Like Love
Aladdin
Alice in Wonderland
Bambi
Bewitched
Brother Bear
Cinderella
Fat Albert
I, Robot (non SE)
Ladder 49
Mulan 2
Robots
Sin City (non SE)
The Incredibles
The Pacifier
Target
The red dot’s sale starts the latest – at 6AM on Friday and runs until Kermit and that unknown dude on the Harley punch some bitches out. Should that not occur, the correct answer is: until Saturday’s day becomes night.
$5.88:
Anchorman (Rated)
Friday Night Lights
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Meet the Fockers
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Shark Tale
Shrek 2
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2-disc)
$8.88:
Bewitched
Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story
Kicking and Screaming
Kingdom of Heaven
Napoleon Dynamite
Robots
The Interpreter
The Longest Yard (2005)
$14.88:
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Madagascar
$17.88:
Family Guy: Volume 2 – Season 3
Laguna Beach: Season 1
Sex and the City: Season 6, Part 2
That 70s Show: Season 3
The Simpsons: Season 6
Circuit City
Sales explode their way through 11 AM on Friday; so brave the stupid people and moneybags while navigating through everyone you hate. Along with Best Buy, this store is going to be mighty popular. A wise man once warned us to be afraid. Be very afraid.
$4.99 (over 90 titles, so enjoy picking and choosing – or die!):
Radio
About Schmidt
A Beautiful Mind
Anger Management
The Pianist
Sword Fish
Happy Gilmore: Special Edition
Donnie Brasco
xXx
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Blade Runner: The Director’s Cut
8 Mile
Desperado
Devil’s Advocate
Pay It Forward
Red Dragon
Two Weeks Notice
Passenger 57
Femme Fatale
Outbreak
Analyze That
Murder in the First
Eraser
The Professional
Malibu’s Most Wanted
Stir of Echoes
Lethal Weapon 2
Poolhall Junkies
Sweet November
Above the Law
Rudy
Anaconda
Just Cause
Gotti
Deep Blue Sea
Funny Farm
Wag the Dog
Young Guns
Reservoir Dogs
The Cat in the Hat
The Brothers
Contract Killer
You Got Served
Poltergeist
Hulk
Honey
Two Can Play That Game
Universal Soldier
Poetic Justice
Higher Learning
Joe Versus the Volcano
Original Sin
Road to Perdition
Resident Evil
The Client
Bait
Demolition Man
Falling Down
Little Black Book
In the Line of Fire
About a Boy
Spy Game
Intolerable Cruelty
Poetic Justice
Wild Things (Unrated)
Fahrenheit 9/11
3000 Miles to Graceland
The Life of David Gale
Jerry Maguire (non SE)
Spies Like Us
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Sleepers
Lethal Weapon 3
Talkin’ Dirty After Dark
The Last Boy Scout
The Scorpion King
Money Talks
The Specialist
Matchstick Men
Sphere
Proof of Life
Spider-Man
Black Hawk Down (non SE)
S.W.A.T.
$7.99:
Alien vs. Predator (non SE)
Bratz
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Ice Age
I, Robot (non SE)
Man on Fire (non SE)
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (non SE)
Sideways
The Day After Tomorrow (non SE)
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2-disc)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2-disc)
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2-disc)
Rudolph (claymation feature)
X2
$8.99:
Cinderella
Elf
Kingdom of Heaven
Napoleon Dynamite
Robots
The Incredibles
$12.99:
Arrested Development: Season Two
$14.99:
Friends: Season 9
Sex and the City: Season 1
Will & Grace: Season 3
Will & Grace: Season 4
$15.99:
Family Guy: Volume 2 – Season 3
Seinfeld: Seasons 1 & 2
The Simpsons: Season 6
$19.99:
Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season Three
$21.99:
24: Season Three
Best Buy
Sales start and end on Friday from 5 AM until 12 Noon, although items will be vanishing quite quicker than that considering the huge popularity of this store and everyone who you hate and hates you. Get there early! All items will most likely be limited to three per person.
$3.99:
8 Mile
A Beautiful Mind (2-disc)
Along Came Polly
Billy Madison (Special Edition)
Catch Me If You Can
Happy Gilmore (Special Edition)
Honey
Minority Report (2-disc)
Road to Perdition
Shark Tale
The Cat in the Hat
The Grinch
The Pianist (non SE)
The Scorpion King
$5.99:
(Click here for Best Buy’s ‘official’ $5.99 sale, running through the 26th)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (Unrated)
Apollo 13 (2-Disc Anniversary Edition)
Friday Night Lights
Meet the Fockers
Meet the Parents (Special Edition)
Shrek 2
$14.99:
(this sale runs through Saturday the 26th; no restrictions, limited to stock onhand)
Arrested Development: Season 1
Arrested Development: Season 2
Chappelle’s Show: Season 2
Sex and the City: Season 1
$19.99:
(this sale runs through Saturday the 26th; no restrictions, limited to stock onhand)
24: Season 1
24: Season 2
24: Season 3
Seinfeld: Seasons 1 & 2
The Shield: Season 1
The Shield: Season 2
The Shield: Season 3
Amazon.com
67% off TV Hits (Without a Trace, Friends, Nip/Tuck, Dukes of Hazzard, E.R., Sex and the City, and The O.C.) – click here.
Most of the $4.99 DVDs you couldn’t scrounge up at Circuit City are available for $6.97 through Amazon.com here.
It’s a long list, but not as long as Micah’s, I hear. Let me know how many of you succeeded and how many crashed and burned (at 12 parsecs, naturally…). It’s my wish that all of your planning shall not go to waste, and if it does, there’s always beer, a movie, and your Drunk Uncle, still sleeping it off on the couch since he copped on a feel on Aunt Anne last night.
So with all of this out of the way, I wish you all Godspeed, and best of luck. You’re going to need it, should you wish to take on King Vidor’s THE CROWD.